By Miss Pollyanna, 27th June 2015

Nail Tarnish

Our Fingers and Toes are Perfect just the Way they are!

Our Fingers and Toes are Perfect just the Way they are!

Why do women love nail varnish so much? I just don’t get it. To me there is nothing more beautiful than a nail that is free of chemical paint – or those blasted acrylics or whatever you call them; a nail that you can see beneath; a nail as it is intended to be (I’ll give you a clue: transparent) that lets you know whether or not you are about to put a load of dirt and germs in your mouth… as well of course as artificial substances!

I will make two – JUST two – exceptions. I will let you have your clear nail varnish. It looks natural, almost organic and polished. Is it just me, or do most shades of nail varnish make us women look ‘pimped up’…? Especially on the toes – eugh! Especially on children.

And for some reason I have found myself almost taking a liking to shades of blue from royal to navy. And black. For me these don’t scream airhead in quite the way the pinks, reds and those icky nail art kits do!

Neil Milne
Neil Milne

For sure this will not be a popular article. For sure there will be women – and men – kids too, sharpening their perfectly, and not so perfectly, manicured talons and getting ready to shred my observations to bits. But if you don’t agree with me from a beauty point of view, you must concede I do have a point when it comes to… drum roll please:

1) Chipped Nails
Come on.  Sort it guys! Is there anything worse? Chipped Nails spell laziness, total lack of self love, self worth and general lack of being bothered. Chipped Nails are enough to send me out of a cafe when I spot them on the barrista who is expertly blending my Machiatto. I kind of prefer it without manky bits of orange varnish floating on the surface… and whatever else lurks there besides. Chipped Nails are the ultimate Nail Tarnish. I have witnessed ladies attend weddings with Chipped Nails, job interviews with Chipped Nails and jump into the same swimming pool as me with Chipped Nails. At which point I jump out.

No, no, no! Chipped nails are wrong. To the point they should be made illegal! Chipped Nails send the most positive of us into a tailspin of negativity. Remove them! There IS a reason nail tarnish – I mean nail varnish – remover was invented, was there not?

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2) Hygiene
Or lack thereof. I might let you get away with nail varnish if you don’t have nappies to change. I will also consider turning a blind eye if you don’t work in catering (or you do but wear industrial strength gloves). But that’s my limit. Not that I was ever exactly in to decorating my talons before babies… but some of the things that got under my nails post babies would have been enough to put me off for life if I was! And I don’t think I need to spell them out. If I needed to wash my hands several hundred times a day because of all the nappy changes and muslin cloth pick-ups WITH nails I could see through, then how many times would I have had to do that WITHOUT such an advantage? It doesn’t bear thinking about. Needless to say, by the time I had scrubbed under them properly with a nail brush we’d be back to square one again, the hideously Chipped Nails!

In conclusion, all that’s really left to say is nail varnish is absolutely totally and utterly pointless.

What did you think?

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