Saying I Do… to YOU!
I am not sure if you, like me, were unable to resist reading the story about the woman who, well… fed up with patiently waiting for twenty years for ‘Mr Right’ to walk into her life, married herself instead? It’s a remarkable, eyebrow raiser of a ‘fairy tale’, taking unconventional to the absolute extreme. But you know what? I don’t find it so bizarre or nutty after all. In fact, I think this lady has a lot to teach all of us when it come to Self-Love. Something so many of us are reluctant to do, seeking for the Big L instead in all of the wrong places.
Like via ‘The One Who Completes Us’.
Purrlease! And yes, I have been guilty of coming out with this gem of a one-liner before. A long time ago, I hasten to add. The only one who can complete me is me. And the only one who can complete you is you. We are already whole, worthy and perfect. That’s not narcissism or wishful thinking, but the truth that we all know deep down at spirit level. We don’t need a partner to come along to reaffirm that. And if we think we do, we are headed toward a matrimony of disaster and dependency as soon as the honeymoon is over.
But anyway, in case you didn’t catch the fanciful story I am talking about, here’s the link for a little inspirational reading…
Cool, isn’t it?
And Sophie Tanner is far from solo! Once I started researching, I found incredible stories of women from all corners of the Earth making the exact same move to love, honour and (presumably) obey themselves.
How utterly liberating!
Which isn’t to say I am encouraging us to all go it alone!
Far from it. Love of another is the most beautiful and natural thing in the world. However, I AM imploring us to love ourselves first. Yes, even before our ‘perfect partner.’ For how can we expect anyone else to fall in love with us if we don’t rate ourselves all that highly? If we walk past mirrors scolding our reflection?
Sure, it might appear to happen initially in that soft romantic bubble of the early days, but when our self-esteem is that thin on the ground, we’re hardly going to attract the man or woman of our dreams in the long run, but rather someone who bounces back our insecurities right at us. This will often be in the form of an abuser – of the conman or woman/domestic violence or emotional bully kind.
In that sense, these women are fabulous role models.
Heck, why don’t we all marry ourselves anyway prior to marrying someone else? That way we are a helluva lot surer to make a pact with US to only value ourselves highly, to only accept the best, to only accept decent treatment from a fellow human being. It’s really not such an outlandish idea when you think about it, and could save a lot of costly divorces and unnecessary heartache.
If cats and dogs can do it…
Then who’s to say as an individual we can’t do something a little different by tying the knot with our very own self? Of course, self-marriage is yet to be recognised by the church or any legal marriage venue. But I smell change in the air.
I predict a self-marriage revolution!
So if you are toying with the idea of giving up on finding the man or woman of your dreams, maybe self-marriage is the perfect way to kill two birds with one stone. Which is about as un-poetic as it gets, but bare with… I do have a point (or two actually):
1: You will have a partner – yourself
2: Now you have put YOU first and declared to the world that you are ENOUGH, chances are Mr or Ms Right will waltz right onto the scene stage left anyway.
Still not convinced?
Maybe Grace Gelder’s story will sway you? And here’s the very song from Bjork (Isobel), whose lyrics ‘My name’s Isobel, married to myself’) were all the sign this independent lady had been waiting for to put an end to her 6 year man hunt…
You’ve got to admit, there’s something hauntingly beautiful about it. And even Grace concedes in her article that just because she is married to herself, it doesn’t mean she isn’t open to the idea of being married to somebody else one day.
Or perhaps Yasmin Eleby’s self-marriage chimes with you? This lady certainly knew her own mind when she vowed to marry herself if she hadn’t found The One by the time she turned 40…
Yasmin nailed it with this simple but very powerful quote:
“Loving yourself for who you are completely before loving someone else is the key to happiness.”
Three extraordinary women who I think have planted seeds of wisdom with the potential to change the way we view the purpose of marriage and the importance of Self-Love forever.