8 Reasons Why You Should Be Selfish In Bed
Sex is like dancing, you can do it alone but it’s always so much more enjoyable when you have a partner. Making love is about give and take, the ebb and flow; you need to both be having fun and most importantly you both need to be in time with each other. When I’ve talked to women about sex, or read Sex Tips in magazines, it is often described as a tool. Something you do to others, something you use to get what you want and something the other person (namely the man) wants.
I’ve seen headlines such as ‘10 ways to give the best blow job’, ‘Make him crazy in bed’, ‘Seduce your lover’.
Well how about this? How about next time you have sex you make sure it’s all about YOU? Selfish… maybe, but actually, when a woman decides that sex is something she wants to receive just for her, there’s nothing sexier for either party. You just watch the guy jump through hoops to please you. After all, every man I have ever met loves a challenge.
Here are eight reasons why women should always come first…
1: Setting boundaries
There is nothing wrong with saying no. If you like a guy and it’s progressed to sex then now is the time to say what you like and you don’t like in bed. Any man worth being with should and will respect that. If you don’t like something (no matter what it is!) there is no shame in telling him that… Communication is key. Tell him what you do like and likewise ask him what he likes. He will want to please you, so make sure you are honest.
2: Getting in the mood
Women don’t have an ON and OFF switch when it comes to sex. Okay, maybe the off switch is quicker than the on, but generally it takes us time to warm up. Making sure he starts with you – incorporating plenty of foreplay and even an orgasm or two before penetration will ensure that not only will you be wanting him that much more, but by the time you get to penetration both of you will have a much wilder time.
3: Enjoying yourself
Us women don’t have to do much in bed, even if we were hating every single minute of it men would never know… our sexual organs don’t have to perform. Unfortunately many a woman has had sex when they didn’t want to because her man did. Without him ever knowing. Sad fact. So being selfish in bed, and asking for what you want right from the start, ensures that you are guaranteed a good time. He wants sex? Then you need to be happy too. It’s win win both ways, so say goodbye to Mr Quick Poke, you’re calling the shots.
4: Teaching your partner
If you’ve always focused on your other half in bed then you can’t really blame him for thinking you are having a great time. Maybe some women do get off on a quick BJ and swallow, but most of us want something in return too (and don’t expect a man to be focused on you once he has reached the finish line). So explain to him what you like. Make the beginning about you, make him hold back. Show him how you like being touched, kissed, stroked, licked. Teach him your turn ons, and in turn, watching you get turned on will turn him on – how’s that for a tongue twister? Actually, tongue twisters are pretty useful for coming first too!
5: Making him feel appreciated
Most people have sex because they want to feel good, both physically and emotionally. Is there anything better than watching your partner happy? As much as we want to please our man, our man should also want to know that he has the power to please us. Sex is a pretty potent force, it can turn the iciest of us into a quivering, gooey mess. Imagine your man knowing he can satisfy you 100% without even undoing his flies, there’s no bigger power trip than that.
6: Discovering new sensations
When you put yourself first in bed it opens up the possibility of trying out new things. Introduce toys, games and different scenarios or settings. Think about the things that please you, not just what he likes or the things you have always done together. By holding off penetration until the very end, by the time you both get there you will be like duel-explosion fireworks. And we all love to end things with a spectacular bang.
7: Being Submissive
Are you a woman who likes to take control in the bedroom? Well maybe it’s time you took a backseat and relinquished some of that power. Lie back, give in and take what you’re given. Sometimes it’s hard to be on the receiving end, letting him take the lead, but as long as you feel safe and communicate about the things you will and won’t accept, then you are free to make it all about you. Lap up the attention – as it were.
And finally…
8: You deserve it
Of course you do. Then maybe next time it can be all about him.
Women in bed are like Duracell bunnies, in theory we can go on and on and on. But sadly, men have a cut off point, the big release. Some bounce back, the young and virile mostly, but most just roll over. So when it comes to sex, as a woman it’s best to get everything you need right at the beginning. After all, the faster they cum, the harder they fall (asleep). And where’s the fun in that?
