By Miss Pollyanna, 15th September 2016

Respecting the NO in Nosy

Why our own Business is much more Exciting!

Why our own Business is much more Exciting!

Humans have forever been fascinated by others humans. It is human nature to compare, critique and judge others who have zero idea they are being gossiped about. It makes us feel temporarily ever so much better to have a giggle at another’s expense, or to rummage around on somebody’s (who was daft enough not to secure their privacy settings) Facebook page… even more so when we see how much weight they have amassed since school.

But it is not in my spiritual nature.

And it costs us dearly, in ways we can barely comprehend:

1: We waste our time, and rob ourselves of our own power.
Nosiness just has that classic boomerang effect and there’s no escaping it. The energy spent disapproving of another parent’s child-rearing skills, or their choice of footwear in the office/at the school gates/at the dinner party with our fellow Nosy Neighbours, diminishes our own sense of self-worth. And that’s because when we are truly happy with ourselves, we have no “need” to pick fault with others; we leave all others to their own devices to live their lives as they see fit, devoid of our acid tongue.

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Of course the pandemic of celebrity magazines and tabloids, social media and YouTube, hardly help us. We are bombarded with people to discuss, and it would seem, actively encouraged to do so!

celeb mag

“Just look at *****’s cellulite!”

“Wow, you could write on the lines on ageing star *****’s forehead!”

And then perversely…

“****** has been under the knife again… reveals new body on tropical beach vacation!”

And

“***** attacks ****** in showbiz meltdown of the century!”

But every minute spent analysing an actresses to see how much she has “let herself go” as she wades through Caribbean waters to her sunbed, or sniping at Katie Hopkins – as much as she puts herself out there, and every moment of gazing – initially inquisitively… and then in jealous “why can’t I have that too?” rage – at Hollywood A, B and C Listers’ glorious dream lives and mansions to boot, adds up to hours of feeling pants about ourselves and our own circumstances.

It is one of the most ineffective ways we can spend our delicious existence on planet Earth. And we rarely walk away from said exercises feeling inspired or joyful.

If we are that bored, far better to switch on Pinterest and look at some pretty cake or puppy pictures… or hit the biscuit tin. Yes. Really.

2: We give unsolicited advice… because we think we know best.
I used to be the most polished Preaching Fairy Godmother you had ever met! If somebody was poorly, or down on their luck, or hadn’t a penny in their purse, there I was with my library of Self-Help books, ready to change their world and make them ” see the light”. Except it doesn’t work like that! If we are asked for our pearls of wisdom, great, then yes, we should give them if we wish… sparingly and in accordance with how much our family or friends or that complete stranger want to hear; too much advice, as well-meaning as it may be, soon turns into a lecture.

And not only that but our interfering rarely leaves us feeling good when all’s said and done, especially if the recipient isn’t grateful for our words, or disagrees with them. And so we pay the price of draining ourselves of positivity, with the end result being both parties feeling blue.

gossip

3: We attract the judgment right back.
If you don’t believe me, just watch how the sequence of events plays out next time you take a pop at another, or meddle in their affairs. I have had enough practice at doing both to know that what happens next (the disagreement I “just happen” to walk into in a cafe in five minutes time/the negative WhatsApp message I “just happen” to receive from a friend half an hour later/the snide comment about my choice of hairstyle I “just happen” to get from the group of teenagers later that very same afternoon) is no coincidence.

We live in an attraction based universe, which means that at a very basic level, everything we give out (and that includes our nosiness!) we pull right back to us like a magnet.

“What you feel about another person, what you think or say about another person… you do to you. Give judgment and criticism and you give it to yourself. Give love and appreciation to another person , and you give it to yourself. There is no other for the law of attraction, so it makes no difference if someone else has what you want, when you feel love for it you’re including it in your life! And with anything you don’t love, simply turn away from it without judgment, and you won’t include it in your life.”
Rhonda Byrne, The Power

The next time we feel that temptation to be a Nosy Parker (Lord knows, I am far from exempt!), a far better approach would be to look for stuff to appreciate about others, to look for ways to applaud them, nipping that temptation to poke around in their business in the bud.

Such as:

  • High-fiving their success (from afar via that glossy magazine… or up close and personal if we know them). When we genuinely feel good for others, we are gearing ourselves up to receive more of those good feeling thoughts (and manifestations) in our own personal lives too. Win-win.
  • Catching ourselves when we’re halfway through the negative statement about somebody else by turning our words around full-circle and making them positive. This can sometimes be a challenge, but it’s good fun to play around with – because best of all, we know we won’t have to watch out for any unwanted consequences.
  • Walking away (politely) when the person we are talking with embarks on an attack on somebody else… or change the conversation in some way if we can.
  • And assuming we didn’t manage to stop ourselves in the flow, we can always use a little visualisation after the event by imagining we are giving the person we are being mean about a hug. Works wonders every time!

These ideas are just for starters, and the more and more we make it our deliberate intention to focus on our own business, the less we will need to implement them anyway.

Failing all of the above, I can’t recommend the children’s book, “Mr Nosy” by Roger Hargreaves, highly enough!

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