We Give You The Lowdown on the Entire Emotional Scale…
If you’re a parent you know the drill by now. Christmas Day comes in phases, stages, sections of time whose build-up and diffusion differs wildly according to not only one’s offspring’s hopes and desires (and one’s bank balance)… but also one’s offspring’s sugar consumption… and more often than not, their sitting bolt upright in bed, eager and ready to start the day before the birds have even embarked on “Oh Little Town of Bethlehem”.
Welcome to Christmas Day!
It is probably around about 5am. And if it’s any later than count yourself damned lucky.
Because we are very nice here at The Glass House, we have decided to impart our facial expression wisdom to see you through the 24 hours that is Christmas Day. You are welcome:
The 4.49am Anticipation Face
The 6.30am They’ve Got More Than Me, That’s So Unfair/I Didn’t Ask Santa for That/This is the Cop Out Cheaper Version Face
The 10am I’ve Had Chocolate for Breakfast and No, I Will Not Eat Your Stupid Porridge or Toast… and Even Croissants aren’t Sweet Enough Face
The 3pm Where Are The Rest of My Presents Face
The 8pm Twelve Hours of Sugar Overload Face
(aka. “What do you mean there are definitely, absolutely not any more presents hiding anywhere?”)
And by the time you have dealt with that, tucked them up in bed, asked them if they’re happy with everything Santa has brought them (and explained that although yes, Santa and the Elves do make things… so technically they are free… but sometimes Mummy and Daddy do have to chip in a bit with the finances, hence Santa didn’t quite deliver absolutely everything stocked at Toys R Us/shown in the adverts… and besides, how could the reindeer carry it all/Santa fit it all in his sack anyway?), you will mould yourself into the sofa, bottle of Baileys in hand.
And fall asleep.
Ready for “I’m bored… I’ve got nothing to play with… at approximately 6.58am on Boxing Day morning.