Popping your Cherry: The Hymen Myth

Where Did It Come From?

Virginity and the hymen… it is an interesting topic, and as time has progressed, we are starting to understand that the latter IS really just a MYTH. Are you shocked? I know that I was!

So is everything that we learned about our bodies a lie?

I grew up in a traditional Catholic family where sex was taboo and virginity was considered priceless. I was confused by my father who would pat my brother’s back and commend him for his sexual conquests… whilst I would get the lecture about how important it was to ‘save’ myself for marriage.

The double standard was perplexing and – although my mom was a science teacher for 32 years – there was not a whole lot about sex that she was taught in school and understood herself! So I really didn’t know much about my body until I was older, when I enrolled in a women’s studies course at college.

I was absolutely shocked when I realised just how little I knew and understood of my own body. I was ravenous for information and read as much as I could about the female form – and sexuality. I wanted to understand what I was experiencing with my own body and, just as importantly, I wanted to learn more about why I had been lied to my whole life.

A few facts:
Just like many other parts of our body, the hymen is different in each woman. There are even women who are born without one… oh the horror!

“What we recognise as the hymen today was not always considered as such. If we trace the etymology of the word hymen from Greek through Latin to English, we can observe how the word progressively narrows in meaning, first denoting any sort of bodily membrane, then referring to the womb, and finally coming to mean almost exclusively “virginal membrane” in the early modern period. The hymen is an over determined widely misunderstood sign precisely because it has never been a fixed part of anatomy.”
Professor Kathleen Kelly of Northeastern University (Adelman, 2010)

I don’t know about you guys, but I was shocked at this revelations alone, but it seems you learn something new every day… and my education on the matter it seems, did not stop there.

Hymen was also known in Greek mythology as the God of Marriage. He was considered a beautiful youth who rescued a group of women, including the girl he loved, from a band of pirates.

How fascinating. So the hymen is referred to as a female body part, yet it derives from a male Greek God! How did this happen? Could it be because Hymen saved a beautiful maiden from a horrible fate – just as marriage can save a woman from becoming ‘tainted’.

According to the story, after Hymen saved the girl he loved they lived happily ever after, just like in every other fairy tale we have been told since we were little girls.

Now for the science bit:
The hymen has been traditionally described as a thin membrane surrounding the opening of the vagina. Throughout the years this small piece of membrane has been somewhat priceless for women, dictating their futures.

Although this ideal is less common in the United States, it is still considered important in some cultures. The Catholic religion, for example, feels that it is important for a woman to be pure and there is a high value placed on her virginity.

As a social worker I have worked with Hispanic families who considered their daughters ‘worthless’ because they were no longer virgins (deflowered) and so they threw them out of the house! Their prized virginity determined if they could marry and therefore be coveted by men.

Even in today’s society there are women who are still having surgery (also known as hymenoplasty) to have their hymens ‘restored’. In some Muslim societies virginity is still considered crucial and women who do not have an intact hymen – for various reasons – will have this surgery to correct it. And all so they can present themselves as a virgin for their husband.

Some will also have a gelatin capsule filled with blood placed in their vagina so that it will ‘burst’ when they have sex and they will bleed. This also still happens in smaller and more conservative Indian communities, as well as other Asian cultures. And so virginity is very much still being used as a ‘bargaining chip’ where women represent pawns in a business deal. If the marriage is arranged (as is common in these particular cultures) then virginity can fetch a higher price and benefit the family more. For this reason, women in Asian cultures tend to wait the longest to lose their virginity.

So what do we ‘think’ we know about the hymen?
The first time a woman has sex should be considered sacred, right? Doesn’t it tear the hymen and show the world that she is no longer a virgin? Well no… not really. When a woman has sex for the first time the membrane is usually worn down. The membrane is thick when a female baby is first born but by the time a girl has reached adolescence, the membrane has become thin and can be easily torn. Simply by walking, running, bending… pretty much anything that a teenage girl does.

The whole idea of sex being painful the first time is not always accurate either. For teens (or ‘virgins’) the first time can be uncomfortable and nerve racking meaning there is less lubrication – as well as awkward movements which can cause tearing and blood. This is more likely the cause of ‘blood on the sheets’ rather than the hymen being torn. If a hymen is not torn already there is a higher chance that there will be bleeding and a small amount of pain.

My personal experience of losing my virginity was a very unpleasant experience. I was terrified and tense due to being told by my family, religion, and friends that it would be painful and it was ingrained in me that I would not enjoy my initial experience.

When we are told something enough times, as we learn in psychology 101, we start to believe the hype whether it is right or not. I think that having sex for the first time can be an enjoyable experience and there are women who state that they did not bleed or experience any pain during their first sexual encounter. These women were more relaxed and comfortable with their bodies plus they – hopefully – had a patient and loving partner who took the time to make sure that they were aroused.

So myth busted, right?
If there was such as thing as a hymen covering the vagina, as the myth would have it, then a woman would not be able to menstruate! The hymen is simply a fringe of tissue surrounding the vagina, commonly a half-moon shape, allowing for menstruation in young women. Science has helped to remove the mystery of the hymen to prove that the hymen is nothing more than an elusive myth.

But as long as there are societies and cultures who value heritage over scientific fact, the misconception will continue to exist.

Laci Green is a 24-year-old YouTube sex educator. She started her website and videos to educate women that first time sex does not have to be painful! She also busts the hymen (and other sexually oriented) myths. Her videos which range in subject from ‘slut shaming’ and body image, to genital hygiene and finding the G-spot have netted her more than 700,000 subscribers. Her fresh and open approach to women and their bodies helps thousands to embrace their sexuality and educate themselves through honest and accurate information.

Misinformation is the downfall of women and there are still so many out there who do not even know what their vagina even looks like… so break out the mirror when you are alone… and don’t be afraid to check yourself out. You ARE beautiful… pass it on!

(Note from The Editor:  Many thanks to Jennifer for being so candid about such a taboo subject. To read more from Jennifer, you can check out her author page here or read more of her musings over visit her Blog KarmaBites here.)