Finding Your Passion Again After Kids
And no, I’m sorry to say ladies, I do not mean in the bedroom. I mean those passions and hobbies you had before your life was turned upside down by children.
Before I had children, I was a totally different person. I loved shopping, I loved shoes and I had more hobbies than I can count. But the day my little rug-rats came along, all that changed.
I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. In fact, some of the hobbies I now have are so much fun but they aren’t something I would have ever expected to hear myself admit to. I bake for instance… and with my kids, and sometimes even on my own just for the sake of it. And I love it. Before having children I could burn a salad!
It’s not that I am unhappy. I love my life and I am so blessed to have my two little miracle girls; but there are days when I long for ‘me‘ time. Just a few hours where I can be my old self again.
Last month, for the first time in 16 years, I finally re-discovered a passion I had long forgotten. From the day I fell pregnant, I knew I was having a little girl. I swore blind that as soon as she was big enough, I would get her in the saddle and teach her how to ride a horse. I even used to take my big waddling pregnant belly on walks to the nearest fields just to introduce bump to horses in the hope that she would not pop out scared of them!
The only problem was, I stopped riding when I was a teenager. I damaged my back when I was a teenager when I was hit by a car during a hit and run. Ever since then I can barely deal with the day to day back pain and the thought of getting on a horse… the pain… it made me shiver.
Then my darling eldest daughter turned 6 and I knew that it was now or never.
As I walked up the stables, the familiar smells and sounds washed over me like a comforting blanket. I felt like a child again. How had I allowed myself to slip so far from something that was such a passion of mine? I watched as my daughter took to horse riding like it was in her bones, she was a natural… and I was envious. Proud of course, beaming from ear to ear; but I was envious that she could feel that freedom, power and control and I was watching from the sidelines.
That night I went home and blurted out to my husband: “I think I am going to start riding again“. His first automatic response was to laugh – I can barely get out of bed in the mornings without creasing up in pain… how the hell was I expecting to get on a horse! Ever the supportive spouse, he took me to the shops to buy a new pair of jodhpurs and a pair of boots. Slipping into the restrictive fabric felt like coming home… although I have to admit there are far more bumps in the trunk than there used to be when I was a child.
The next week, I took to the stables on my own, determined to get through it at any cost. Even if the next day hurt like hell and I never got on a horse again, I wanted to feel like me again. I wanted to feel that passion and connection. To feel free and to have one of those beautiful animals responding to me the way they had when I was young. If only for one day, I wanted my passion back.
The day was a total success. The freedom was amazing. I’m not saying that it was by any means easy and it did not all come flooding back. I had to work hard at it. I had to remember my lessons from almost 2 decades ago, but it was worth every painstaking moment.
The next morning I hurt like a b**ch. I mean, I have re-discovered muscles I forgot I even had. I haven’t found it that hard to get up off the toilet since I had my c-section! But I smiled. All day I smiled. Because it was worth it.
I now go riding each week. I am building up my strength again and cannot wait for the day I finally get to go on a hack through the countryside, or a river walk with the horses and my gorgeous daughter.
I re-discovered my passion. I enjoyed a piece of me I thought I had long lost – and better yet, I am now getting to discover it all over again with my daughter by my side. There is no bigger gift in this world.
Having kids does not have to mean that you leave behind everything you once loved, it just means you have to re-discover how you can still be that person with your mini-beasts by your side. It’s a lesson I think I needed to learn and I am so much happier for it.
