Or the Life of Everyone Around You?
I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m really funny when I’m about to start my period, but I’m also really aggressive. More like aggressively funny. Well people laugh, or maybe they aren’t laughing at what I say and they are just laughing that nervous giggle that slips out when you aren’t sure if someone is going to do something incredibly inappropriate but you can’t stop watching… but you don’t dare walk away or say anything because they may slap you.
Since I got my coil fitted my PMS (Pre Menstrual Syndrome) has been worse than ever but I have no period pain and I hardly bleed, I’m basically a bitch troll from hell without the evidence. When I have PMS I write like a football hooligan chants; overdosing on expletives and exclamation marks!!! My friends just laugh wryly and say ‘well she’s on her period’ and my Editor puts my work aside, after having checked her calendar to see what point in my cycle I’m at, and then gently suggests a week later when I’ve calmed the hell down that it may be worth reviewing what I’ve written. At which point, in my post-period hazy glow I look down at my screen and gasp ‘Did I write that? Wow, I’m such an evil bitch! Why did you not say anything at the time?’ (Because my Editor isn’t a fool, that’s why).
So is Pre Menstrual Syndrome just a great excuse for women to be horrible and use their hormones as a get-out clause? Or are our emotions, through no fault of our own, being thrown around like a rag doll in the mouth of a pit bull and making us act in ways we don’t actually like, want or have any control over?
Well, this is what is happening to us a few days before Aunt Flo comes to town…
PMS is our hormones changing and our body warning us that very soon our unused uterus lining will be shedding and we’re going to experience five to seven days of cramps and bleeding. You’d think, what with our imminent hellish week approaching, that our body would give us a few days of orgasmic pleasure and tranquility… like an internal spa day… to make up for ‘the curse’. But it doesn’t, which is why I think God is male.
Psychologically, PMS looks like this:
Mood swings, irritability, over-exaggerated emotions like aggression, crying for no reason and feeling like the world is going to end, poor concentration and tiredness (the last one isn’t surprising, all this crazy takes it out of you).
And as if that isn’t enough of a nightmare we also get bloating, swollen ankles, change in appetite (ie. we want chocolate), sore boobs and headaches or migraines.
Any wonder that we may just feel a tad irritable?
So why does our body put us through this once a month? Well, according to NetDoctor no one actually knows:
“Measuring hormone levels is of no help in understanding PMS because there are no differences between women who get PMS and those who don’t.
It is not exactly known what causes PMS. Common sense indicates it must somehow be linked to the fluctuating levels of female hormones experienced after ovulation. But the subtleties of why some women are more affected than others are not understood”
So it seems that some of us get PMS, some of us don’t and some of us turn into a more spiteful version of that kid in the Exorcist. Should we accept it or do something about it?
I’ve often thought about treating my PMS, it would be nice to have emotions that stayed stable and controlled. Then I realise I kinda like the excuse to be a bitch once a month – after all, I get to cry, eat loads of sugar, hug a hot water bottle and rant and rave without taking any responsibilities for my actions. Basically what I did for nine months of pregnancy (lucky hubby)!
But, if (unlike me) you feel some responsibility for inflicted raw rage upon the world every month there are a few things you can do to help yourself.
If it’s so bad that it is seriously affecting your home life and job then see your GP straight away, they may recommend vitamins or supplements… or you may need something stronger like a change in contraception, medication or sometimes even surgery. Don’t dismiss PMS as something trivial, for 5-10% of women it can send them on the verge of a psychotic breakdown. It can be a very serious condition.
For the rest of us that are just a bit dotty and stroppy, there are lots of over the counter and natural remedies that can help:
- Oil of Evening Primrose
- Vitamin B6
- Floradix (vitamin and iron supplement)
- Chasteberry
- Dong Quai (Chinese Angelica)
- Lemon Balm
- St John’s Wort
- Ginkgo
- Calcium and Magnesium tablets
So ladies, when you feel your heckles rising, waistband tightening and headache looming you know what’s in store and you can get help. Please seek medical advice before taking any medication, supplements or herbal remedies and don’t just show the chemist this poorly written blog by an ignorant writer who is due on and feeling flippant. But at least now you have a few remedies you can Google and some options. Failing that, simply stock up on chocolate and Ben & Jerry’s and scream ‘YOU DON’T FUCKING UNDERSTAND, LIFE IS SHIT, I HATE EVERYONE’ and cry at X-Factor.
After all, your terrible behaviour and nasty actions are not your fault. It’s nature and hormones and stuff… no one knows what exactly, but it’s real. Oh my good God it’s real (just ask my husband, I think he’s hiding in the cupboard).
