Especially if you’re a mum!
I have a potty mouth. This may not come as a surprise to my avid readers, because you already know that my writing is peppered with more vulgarities than closing time at the local bikers’ bar. I’m also a mother, a mother that God Damns and Shitting Hells her way through the clusterfucks of life, with whispered Buggery Balls and hissed Dick Heads out of earshot from the tiny people in her life. And I make no apologies for it. If I choose to sprinkle a few Fs and Bs and maybe even the odd (gasp!) Cs among my other carefully chosen words that make up my vivid myriad of creative works and hilarious anecdotes – then I shall. After all, releasing the ever-building tension of motherhood by screaming profanities into a pillow or mouthing them behind my husband’s back is surely better than turning to alcohol, violence or the sexy toy boy next door.
Therefore… swearing is a GOOD thing.
Yes, even if you are a woman or a mother. Especially if you are a woman and a mother. Curse words are the pressure valves of our mind; when things get too much we let off a bit of steam… tsssss… and things feel a lot better afterwards. Right?
But it seems people have an issue with grown ups swearing, especially women. Chucking the odd curse word here and there apparently makes us less intelligent, less feminine and less attractive. Well, you silly billy wallies (because that’s how the un-sweary say rude words, twats) cursing can make you happier as well as reduce pain and keep you healthy. Take a look… (Warning: The following includes some swear words, because… well… this article is about swear words).
1. Stress
In the words of Britney and Will.I.Am – ‘scream, and shout and let it all out…’
They may well be singing about going clubbing but I’m talking about embracing the taboo of bad language and rebelling against the norm. Jogging, sex and banging your head repeatedly against a wall may be good ways of releasing stress, but I find it easier and less exhausting to just jump up and down shouting ‘youbloodypissingprickshaggingsoddingmotherfuuuuuckeeeeeer!’ until I feel better. Try it.
2. Bonding
People who swear together, stay together. I just made that up, but I like it. Ever had a good catch up with a friend and been slagging off the same person? Or telling your sister what a prat your boyfriend is using a million swear words. It feels good, and if they agree with you and join in with the swearing then it feels even better.
3. Creativity
Looking for a way to express your creativity and communicate in a liberal and inventive fashion? Make up a swear word. Better yet, make it a funny one. I found this page on the internet, AKA the Black Hole Of Time Wasting that sucks me in every day when I’m meant to be doing proper writing work. Take a look and make up some of your own hilarious curses (I can’t decide between my results of ‘Poop Shiner’ or ‘Spunk Worm’).
4. Humour
Cursing is funny. Swear words accentuate the punch line, they emphasize a point and they go Boom! when you want to really shock and deliver. Kids’ swearing is also funny. I don’t encourage it and I agree that it’s never nice to see a child gobbing off in the street, but when a toddler says ‘Fuck’ instead of ‘Truck’… it’s funny… really funny.
Not convinced? Watch Kevin Hart talking about the first time he said his first cuss word.
5. Pain Relief
It’s a scientific fact that when you hit your finger with a hammer and shout out profanities it hurts less than saying other less powerful words such as ‘flower’ or ‘dog’. Nobody knows why, but an entire article was dedicated to it in the magazine Scientific American. Studies have been conducted, papers have been written and findings show that if you hurt yourself – swear – and it hurts less. But then we already knew that, didn’t we?
6. Intelligence
Did you know that the word ‘Fuck’ is the only word that can be used as a verb, noun, adjective, adverb and interjection? Fancy an example? How about:
Fuck! After we fuck I just want you to get the fucking fuck out of here, you fuck.
Okay, so you may want to avoid saying that to anyone… but there aren’t many words you can use in that fashion. Clever, no?
And for those of you that still think swearing is a sign of ignorance, here’s a Stephen Fry quote (and we all know he’s pretty smart):
“The sort of twee person who thinks swearing is in any way a sign of a lack of education or a lack of verbal interest is just a fucking lunatic.”
7. Bravery
Nothing gives you more confidence than a good bout of expletives. You try standing up for yourself in a dangerous or threatening situation and use the word ‘silly man’ instead of a good old fashioned swear word. It’s not going to work the same way, is it?
8. Communication
People that use profanities when expressing themselves are delving into the vast chasm of scintillating words that have evolved over the centuries to enrich our beautiful English language. Think that a clever writer and genius mind has no need for swearing or insults? Then you are A scullion! A rampallian! A fustilarian! And you can thank the very sweary Shakespeare for those little gems.
9. Health
Keeping your feelings bottled up is bad for you. Some people think it can accelerate the growth of cancerous cells or encourage the onset of dementia – I just think that keeping your feelings to yourself makes you a bitter and unhappy person. SAY WHAT YOU THINK! No one likes a repressed mute, or even worse a passive aggressive. If you can’t be witty and sarcastic, then pick a four letter word. Start with ARSE… and you can work your way through the rest of the alphabet to C and F later.
10. Logic
When you really break it down, a ‘bad word’ is really just another word. Profanities are merely a collection of words that we, humans, have decided carry more negativity and harm than other words.
I think my six year old summed it up best when she learnt how to say ‘Fuck It’ at school (nope, not from me, I save all my expletives for after bedtime). She shouted it out in the car on the way home from school one day and I went crazy; told her it was a horrible thing to say, that only naughty children said naughty words and that she would get in trouble if she ever said it again.
‘Why?’ she asked. ‘It’s just words. Words can’t hurt anyone.’
She had a point.
Then, as I was trying to construct an adequately valid retort, a seagull crapped all over our windscreen.
‘Oh, fuck it,’ piped up my four year old, from the back seat.
Well… at least she used it in the right context.
