Whatever it Takes to get Stillbirth Awareness into the Media
Not an eyelid was batted by the journalists, the chat shows had ahem ‘newsworthier’ items (the state of Beyonce and Jay Z’s marriage) to debate; radio stations wafted the bad smell away with the backs of their hands; celebrity agents were blatantly uninspired, and the charities had been there, done that, and felt the sharp bristles of the UK media’s broomstick sweeping them yet further under the carpet.
What the bleep you may ask am I talking about?
Only Hollywood’s FIRST EVER film on STILLBIRTH!
Oh, that.
YES! Exactly! THAT!
May 2014, five years after I became a bereaved Mum to my stillborn daughter – something that only happened to other people – I sank into the couch and shouted into the abyss at the state of the UK media: ‘This is bloody ridiculous. Something has to be done!’
Return to Zero, was coming to the UK’s television screens on May 18th courtesy of Sky’s Lifetime UK… and nobody knew about it!
Okay. Of course, some people knew about the groundbreaking indie film. They certainly knew in America where Ellen de Generes and The Tonight Show embraced cast and crew with loving arms, and the press wrote up gleaming reviews of the LA prem (whilst in Blighty the best a certain online tabloid could muster up was a reportage on the attire and physiques of the female attendees, beautiful though they undoubtedly were.)
And yet we ‘do’ mental health now courtesy of the backing of a kaleidoscope of celebs who give us permission to talk about depression, and we have long been ‘doing’ a whole host of other diseases too – just look at the response to the Ice Bucket Challenge! And we are finally wearing our sexuality with pride. Wimbledon is at last paying its female tennis stars equally – okay, they do still go home with a plate. But we also talk of wars and politics as we’d once have discussed the price of fish; we no longer judge one another by the colour of our skin, and you’ll even find our Mercedes 4x4s jostling with the other contraptions for a Lidl car parking space.
So what do you do when you realise word isn’t getting out about a potentially healing film to bereaved UK parents, their families and friends? And why the flippin’ heck should stillbirth be the exception to the media’s set of rules?
RTZ and Minnie Driver were nominated for an Emmy in August’s awards for crying out loud!
You engage in a crash course in Twitter. AKA Last Resort Motel for a little piggybacking of the – I’m sorry but I just have to insert another ‘ahem’ in here – celebs. 140 character spiel ready for blast off, you be-friend legends and wannabees from A-Z (both in name and credentials), bursting your plea out into cyberspace. From 6.30am to midnight for an entire week. Yawn.
Jeremy Clarkson’s tweets were the trickiest. Oooh that man has a witty, snappy, off-the-cuff following. Could I beat them with their tweety quips on his latest choice of wheels? Could I heck? So I turned to his mates instead, surely Hammond and May would be a little easier to melt?
Not the faintest whiff of burning rubber.
To Peter Andre then, the ultimate Poster Boy of the ‘sweet hearts’- I’d certainly seen him supporting other ‘fans’ and their causes – and since I was averaging reply Number Three to his selfies, (something I’d be hard pushed to keep up now with that tasteful profile raiser of an Iceland ad) this had to be a no brainer! Pete couldn’t really have known I had my fingers crossed behind my back when I claimed I’d buy his latest CD if he’d:
‘Pls RT @ReturntoZero @driverminnie 1st ever Hollywood STILLBIRTH film Lifetime UK May 18th 9pm. Thx so much Pete. Love yer music! xx’
Could he?
For every B list actor’s agent who requested I ‘kindly stop hassling —– ——- because —–‘s interests lie with other causes’, and for every failed attempt at a re-tweet from a permutation of a Kerry Katona, there were re-tweets and messages championing my quest from some of the loveliest organisations and people both of celeb and non-celeb kind; The Royal College of Midwives, bereavement groups UK wide, SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society) branches worldwide, Francine Lewis, Marian Keyes, Nigella, Sian Lloyd, Cathy Newman and The Channel Four News crew, the Beeb’s Louise Minchin, Angela Griffin, Dr. Ed Coates (the hospital doctor who trekked to the South Pole with James Cracknell and Ben Fogle – the latter whose third child was tragically also born sleeping since my campaign), Natasha Hamilton and finally, on the eve of May 17th, Amanda Holden!
Mission well and truly accomplished. The lovely Amanda, who had all too sadly been on the same journey herself, had 1.5 million followers. They’d be sure to read her BGT quips at Simon Cowell the following evening, just a day before RTZ’s UK launch! Divine Timing.
But sadly not.
Some of Amanda’s wonderful fans did of course re-tweet. An article mysteriously appeared in The Guardian several days later and even the United Nations (yes, that UN!) utterly humbled me with their gratitude via Skype. Yet still, the UK media’s upper lip remained as stiff as a disobediently creaky cottage door.
I was so spent of tears when I looked back at the lengths that I, just one mum of one stillborn baby had to go to get news of an important film into the press, that the Pollyanna in me simply had to throw her arms in the air, laugh hysterically and get back on with life.
And then bam!
A BBC Panorama stillbirth documentary aired in October (the cynic in me can’t help but notice the coincidence that was ITV’s This Morning all of a sudden being up for coverage of stillbirth stories the same week – but whatever, it’s all good); stillbirth memoirs are being published by esteemed novelists, and while The Huff may have rejected my article, they along with other publications are almost regularly featuring a viewpoint on Baby Loss just now.
There’s no shadow of a doubt, Sean Hanish’s incredible film has been a catalyst; a seed that has subconsciously embedded itself into hearts and minds, so that finally, we are on the verge of a Sweet UK Tipping Point.
And yes, there is still so much more to be done. And no, that won’t happen overnight, neither should we expect those parents who are still knee-deep in grief, or unprepared to play David to the media’s Goliath to take part. But I personally am so thankful for the inspiration that washed over me when I decided to become part of this journey last year. Because this isn’t just for my generation.This is for my paternal Grandmother, one of whose twin babies died at birth (the other twin being my Dad). And this is for my maternal great Aunt, whose first and only baby was born sleeping. And this is for my other Auntie and my Cousin who never had a SANDS branch they could contact for moral support when their firstborn babies also died in the womb. This demand for change is for everyone.
And really what it comes down to is this: No matter what the subject, we can park ourselves on the fence and hope somebody else takes the lead, or we can put ourselves on the line with a little inspired action – yes, even if that sometimes means resorting to such craziness as piggybacking Peter Andre and other celebs, and be the change that we want to see.
That’s when miracles happen. That’s when ripples become waves. That’s when the Universe mirrors the positives back to us.
Campaigning for stillbirth, or baby loss awareness of any kind, isn’t about the doom and the gloom, the negativity and despair. It is simply a Love Thing. The recognition that these children of ours, no matter how tiny their bodies, existed.
They are loved. Always.
