Would your Cast and Crew be the same if you did it Again?
Just to clarify, I mean a re-enactment of The Big Day to the same partner… This question doesn’t apply to second, third or fourth husband/wife type weddings, although I suppose it will be equally relevant in its own way! The reason I ask ‘Would You Invite The Same Wedding Guests?’ is because I’m pretty sure on reflection that I would not!
Oh, I wouldn’t change a thing about my actual wedding for sure. It was a perfect snapshot in time. It was who we were then and the people who surrounded us on that happy day were wanted, cherished (and in one or two cases just about tolerated). But, if I had to do it all over right now – discounting a renewal of the vows… if you’ve tied the knot once, that was that, no need to keep pledging the same promises – how different the guest list would be. For certain mine and my husband’s champagne-fueled romantic trip in the stretch limo from Georgian venue in the park to one of Gloucestershire’s most idyllic country retreats would not have begun with my Aunt’s third – and somewhat drunken – husband running behind after us and yelling, ‘Don’t forget the condoms,‘ for the entire wedding party to hear. Nope, I can definitely think of more delightful ways to sail off into the sunset and embark on married life.
But at the time I chose to invite ALL of my family.
The Aunts (and what genuine Uncles remained) on both sides, some of whom I never ever saw except for funerals or the very occasional wedding, the cousins too. Heck, even some of my 2nd cousins were on the list. Why go so far? Well, I guess I just saw this as a celebration, one of the few if-not-now-then-when kind of occasions in life. Aka. a bloody good excuse for a knees up.
But then sadly, little by little, contact is lost all over again… invites aren’t always reciprocated, lo-and-behold even your parents aren’t invited to the evening ‘dos’ of great nephews and nieces’ weddings as close knit family West Country protocol requires. Heaven forbid that I, Miss Pollyanna, would dream of giving to receive, it was never about that. But naturally you start to question whether you shouldn’t simply have kept it smaller instead, more intimate, and with the money saved from 50 x 3 or so starters, mains and puddings, splashed out on an upgraded honeymoon.
It’s the same with friends.
You flick back through the albums and it’s akin to looking at a whole other lifetime from afar. When do you stay in contact now? Randomly, you are better buddies nowadays with the invitees to your disco than those who witnessed you pledging your vows. It’s sad but true. Call me nostalgic but I sometimes find it hard to let go and embrace the change.
Which doesn’t mean that I have been a difficult family member or friend.
Rather I have evolved. I have moved country, re-invented my career, lost my 2nd baby, had my 3rd baby. And naturally with all of those huge and earth shattering experiences, my cast and crew have changed too. I am surrounded by a completely different entourage, and lovely they are too. Friendship is an ever transient thing. And friendship, as well as family, is a two-way thing. We should only stay in touch with people so many times before we take the hint that our relationships ebb and flow like the tide and ‘move on’.
But then again, that doesn’t apply to everyone…
Some of us lucky Misters and Mrs are still bathed in the love and companionship of our original cast and crew. By and large – and I am going general here – when we have remained in our home towns and counties. And you know what, sometimes I really envy these people. How lovely it must be to reminisce at coffee mornings, dinner parties and New Year’s Eve bashes about the intricate details of the wedding day; all of those memories from the perspectives of our guests that are often lost forever because we have grown apart from our former circles/lost touch with distant family or simply had a massive and irreparable falling out. And don’t get me started on the married couples who have divorced since my wedding! It was only 7 years ago, yet looking back at some of the snapshots during the wedding breakfast can often reduce me to tears when I think of all of those loves that have been lost – yes, even despite the fact that new ones have been gained.
Ultimately then, our original wedding entourage is all about the time and the place.
And just like History itself, we can’t go back to re-write it, and not much good comes from constantly re-living it, photoshopping and airbrushing the people we’d rather not have in the scenes, and cursing the photographer for all the intimate snaps of the couple we never see anymore and who were only friends with us in the first place because we had our 1st babies on the same maternity ward…
If I was getting married to my same husband for the first time now…
There would be a room full of creative greats! My life is surrounded by writers and artists, entrepreneurs, and sadly, yes, several bereaved parents. But they are people of hope, love and enduring friendship, with whom I have a bond so strong that not even the parting of the seas could break it. There would be new, young family members running around barefoot, and never mind my husband and I grabbing the first dance; it would be my daughter and son (neither of whom inherit their dance moves from us) leading a night of dancing with flamenco, tap and hip hop! I’d bake my own cake since becoming quite a master of all things confection, and my brother-in-law and his band would provide the wedding’s soundtrack.
Now… remind me, where did I put that Wedding Renewal Planner’s phone number?
