10 Reasons Why Less is Sometimes Better than More
As wedding bells peel throughout the land, country houses tweak their blooms and polish their marble statues to within an inch of their lives (actually, that’s daft, statues aren’t alive), and cake decorators try to calm their nerves with a shot a whisky in their morning cuppa before completing delivery of the tallest edible masterpiece you have EVER SEEN… without dropping it, I can’t help but reflect on some of the ways weddings have spiraled so ridiculously out of proportion. In fact I was chatting with an – as yet – unmarried friend the other day and what she said really resonated:
‘For some women, this is IT. This is all their life will culminate in. One Big Day. Well, I don’t want to be remembered for simply looking good in a dress and having the most stunning flower arrangements Martha Stewart has ever seen… I want to be remembered by my family and friends for the things I have achieved; the novel I have written, the ways I have helped change the world, the way I make them feel when I am around them… stuff like that. Real stuff. Not how many Swarovski crystals were dotted on my dress, not whether or not the sash bows on the chairs were at exactly the same height as the pianist’s reflection in the bay window flanked with hummingbirds and candles…’
And I can’t help but think my friend has a very valid point. The competitive side of weddings puts so many brides to be (and grooms, let’s not forget them!) under enormous pressure to keep up with The Kardashian’s. It’s fake. It doesn’t mean anything and it totally masks the REAL reason all are gathered here today: to celebrate the love and union of two people, drink too much champagne and laugh at all the drunken uncles on the dance floor in their white patent loafers. This is what a wedding is really about.
And these are the things (in my Wedding Guest Book, anyway) that a wedding is not all about… This is what happens when weddings go too far:
1) Dogs tying the knot
I am a HUGE animal lover. And I absolutely love dogs. I am sure too that dogs love one another, just as they love us. But as human beings we really are taking things way too far when we override their lives by arranging their nuptials. In fact, I will go as far as to say it’s akin to the kind of arranged marriages that activists are fighting to ban between brides who are children and their much older male counterparts deemed the perfect choice by their families. Dogs may not have a literal voice, but if they did, I am sure they’d be happy with things just the way they are.
2) Wedding favours
These are now becoming as ridiculously over the top as the ever expanding birthday party bag. I remember being a bridesmaid in the late 80s and early 90s and there was none of the fuss and hype over favours, just wedding discos fueled by Michael Jackson’s ‘Billy Jean’. I don’t even think favours existed! Okay, I will put my hand on my heart and say we did the ‘favour thing’ at our wedding… but only because I thought it would be socially unacceptable to dare buck the trend! But now I am bolder, no way. Take pictures of our special day, drink our Bollinger/Pimms/or OJ if you’re driving, eat our cake… but we have spent enough on you being here. This isn’t a kid’s tea party. Do us a favour and go home with your memories of a fantastic day. Smile. Revel in our love. Re-kindle your own tonight. It should be enough!
3) Wedding lists
Now we had one of those as well. I know. I know. I am being really hypocritical! But in actual fact, how rude. You wouldn’t invite someone to your birthday party and send them a list of suitable gifts, would you? Why have we become so materialistic then when it comes to weddings? Or at least if we do have to have them, an old fashioned handwritten list gives guests the opportunity to indulge in some creative flair. Because maybe they don’t want to buy us another plate to go with that 12 piece dinner set that we will never use… and that one day our five year old will smash to smithereens anyway.
NB. As a side note. If you are a wedding guest and reading this… NEVER EVER turn up to a wedding without a gift. Unless of course your hosts have categorically requested you do. And don’t think you can do that if you’re only invited to the evening ‘do’ either. We had a handful of said peeps at our wedding and as much as I definitely don’t give out a wedding invite to receive… etiquette and a little gratitude, even if it’s a cheap bottle of plonk for us to take on our honeymoon, goes a long way. Just look at the points in my list and you will see how much effort I – I mean WE – have gone to to give YOU a good time!
4) Save The Date cards and invitations
My cousin in America made my invitations. And they were amazing. She used photos of my beloved and I as small children and made something super cute and romantic… a real keeper for people’s fridge art before and after the event! But oh my, the email exchanges between us! Just over some invitations… and a bunch of cards which we didn’t even need like a decade ago. Because in those days people remembered stuff. They had – and used – their calendars and diaries. They were careful not to book a holiday to the Greek islands which overlapped with your special day. They climbed hills and mountains the size of Everest to ensure they were correct and present. And as I used to work in publishing… I know how little it costs to print these pieces of card… and just how much of a profit the wedding companies are making! Save The Dates and invitations, unless they are home-crafted, are capitalism at its finest.
5) Bows and covers on chairs
I was all set for my wedding at a gorgeous Georgian pump room in the town’s park… until we witnessed somebody else’s special day set-up the weekend before. Wrong move! Now of course I also had to have the covers and huge sash ribbons to tie around our seat backs. Because, well, they did look gorgeous. And yes, I have to admit, they still do in the album. But my point is, I know when to stop. Sort of. Whereas many of you may not. I didn’t also insist that we use their wedding planner (our spreadsheet and budgeting skills would suffice), flower arranger and cake maker. These guys clearly had a bigger stash of cash than us, and ours was plump enough for what is a one day event! So all you brides who just can’t help yourselves, going to watch another couple’s day at the same venue is definitely not recommended. Remember, sometimes less really is more and there’s a fine line between going completely overboard with the trimmings, and simply keeping it chilled out but equally stunning with a sleek minimalist look! Ultimately, you want your Big Day to be talked about for all the right reasons.
6) The first dance
Shall I let you into a secret? We spent a small fortune getting dance lessons for our first dance! It’s all Strictly‘s fault. So much hype surrounds the first boogie together as a married couple nowadays, that for those of us with two left feet, far from worrying we might forget our vows, faint at the aisle or have made the wrong choice in Best Man because he forgets the ring, we are petrified we will make complete fools of ourselves jiving in front of our entourage. Which of course (thoughts becoming things) was exactly what DID happen. My husband had had a little too much beer, the stage no longer resembled the sofa in our living room, and the giant flower fell out of my hair mid spin. We made up the remaining 3/4 of the dance like a couple of side-shuffling wombats.
7) The Cake
You know the guests won’t remember if the Royal Icing was pearlescent or magnolia. Let the cake makers do their job. Don’t be on the phone to them every 5 minutes. Trust them and relax. Not so long ago and it would have been Great Aunt Margaret baking you whatever it was she knocked up for all of your rellies’ Big Days. So go with the flow on this. Visualise your cake looking wonderful, and really, more importantly, tasting edible. And all will be a piece of cake.
8) Table names
This turned out to be the bane of my – I mean our – wedding planning! We lived in Gloucestershire, England at the time and I decided every table must have a local village name… but there are some unappetizingly weird sounding place names in the Cotswolds, let me tell you. Will your guests cherish the memory of having sat at a table named Lower Slaughter (picture postcard perfect though that peach of a village may be)? Probably not.
9) The Dress
Please don’t buy your dress a year or more before you get married! Yes, even if it IS the dress of your dreams. Body sizes change… and with that comes the frenetic last minute stress of alterations… followed by more alterations… followed by more alterations. I know it’s your Big Day and all that. But the world isn’t going to run out of exquisite wedding dresses in a style you like 4-6 months before your wedding. You’ll save yourself the crazy yo-yo dieting too. Be happy with your body shape, curves and all during this more realistic time span. Heck, be happy with it all the time. 4-6 months before your nuptials everything else is (hopefully) going to plan, you should be far more at ease and whatever your weight is now should be more or less whatever it will be on the day. You wouldn’t buy a dress for a party a whole year before the event, would you? Your wedding day may be a tad special, but unless you are getting pearls shipped in from Australia and it is being made from scratch, there is no reason to be that ahead of the game! Unless you can be sure your body frame never changes, you will simply spend more money and time on having your frock taken in and out in a wedding dress hokey cokey.
10)Arriving on time
This is the one day when punctuality – for the bride at least – goes out the window! Since you have spent sooo much time perfecting your BIG DAY, I wholeheartedly recommend sinking all of your (adult) bridesmaids’ Bucks Fizzes… which they will have been far too nervous to neck, plus your own, thus ensuring your nerves are settled. The bonus with this is you will also arrive late, and the need the loo before the ceremony can begin. Not only does this mean you make a grand entrance, but you’ll keep your guests in suspense for longer, you’ll make your groom, or wife if you are a same sex couple, realise they are super lucky to be spending the rest of their life with you during those extra few minutes when they are wondering whether they heck you are going to jilt them or not. And you will also create a great photo opportunity for the photographer with your Best Man tapping his watch and looking slightly petrified.
Okay. I realise this list actually covers most of what is considered par for the course now in the build up and ceremony of the average wedding! And for sure, many will have an entirely different view of what a wedding should be about. But I guess… in a nutshell, my advice to fiances and fiancees throughout the land is this: Don’t get so caught up in the destination that you don’t enjoy the journey; don’t sweat the small stuff… and some of these things – heck, especially numbers 2), 5) and 7) – are really small things. This will free you up more time for the funniest aspect of wedding planning EVER… deciding who sits where and taking into account the way your family and friends behave when alcohol is in the picture.
Oh, and DO remember exactly why you are doing all of this in the first place!
