50 Things My Daughter Should Know About Men
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but it’s not the fish I’m worried about!
Men are great. Dating is great. Being in love is great. But all of that is also devastatingly terrible when it all goes wrong. So I want my daughter to know what I learnt the hard way… even though I am sure she will ignore me and learn her own lessons the only way a girl can. By falling down and getting back up again.
But a mother wouldn’t be a mother without trying to help. So, my darling girl, listen to Mummy and always remember these 50 simple rules:
1. Pricks are pricks, you won’t change them (you can’t put tulips in an arsehole and call it a vase).
2. If he doesn’t like you the way you are, finish it.
3. If you want to change for him, finish it.
4. If you don’t think you are good enough for him, finish it.
5. If he says you aren’t good enough for him – kick him in the balls, then finish it.
6. You can say no at any point, even when you feel like it’s too late.
7. He should make you laugh. A lot.
8. He should never make you cry, unless he has done something exceptionally wonderful.
9. He shouldn’t have to tell you how great you are all the time, you should see it in his eyes when he looks at you.
10. If he says he will, make sure he does.
11. Never swallow. It tastes disgusting and they get used to it.
12. Don’t be afraid to take control…
13. …and if he’s worth it, he will want you to.
14. Make sure you talk more than you shag…
15. …and make sure he has something interesting to say.
16. If he doesn’t love his mother enough. Worry.
17. If he loves his mother too much. Worry.
18. If your Dad doesn’t like him, it’s not a bad thing. As long as I can see what you see in him…
19. If your Dad really likes him, that’s even better (although you’ll probably get bored of him soon enough.)
20. Does he want to show you the world? Let him.
21. If he has tattoos, a motorbike and no proper job then baby, you are going to have a great time. Just don’t tell your Father and don’t marry the guy.
22. Go with the flow and don’t plan.
23. If he wants to hold your hand in public, let him…
24. …but PDAs aren’t everything, as long as in private you are his world.
25. Do you like his friends? Do they like you? That’s important.
26. Does he like yours? That’s NOT important. Your girls will be around longer than he will.
27. Is he kind to animals? Take note.
28. Is he your biggest cheerleader? He should be.
29. If he hasn’t said he loves you yet, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t.
30. If he’s already told you he loves you, it doesn’t mean he does.
31. Love is a culmination of actions… not just a four letter word.
32. Men like the chase, don’t slow down.
33. Never walk in his shadow or drag him along… walk side by side.
34. You should always feel free.
35. Don’t judge him by his clothes or his hair style, they will change.
36. If he has neat fingernails and ironed clothes, he will either be highly attentive to you – or gay.
37. Never trust a man who looks over your shoulder when you are talking to him.
38. Never trust a man who talks more than you do.
39. Never trust a man who says ‘trust me’.
40. Don’t take him with you clothes shopping…
41. …and feel free to say no to standing in the rain watching him play football.
42. Although always go to his big sporting events or shows, and make sure you cheer the loudest.
43. Worry about your own life more than his.
44. He has a past, so do you, respect that.
45. Never do anything that doesn’t make you happy.
46. Don’t let him be a reason for a major life decision.
47. Always do what you want… and let him do the same.
48. There’s no shame in being dumped, it means you cared enough to reach the end.
49. Never stop French Kissing, no matter how long you’ve been together.
50. Just because it’s dramatic and full of emotion, it doesn’t mean it’s True Love. Real love shouldn’t be exhausting, it shouldn’t hurt and it shouldn’t make you sad. That’s what being in love with the wrong person feels like.
And finally…
Just be amazing and the right one will find you. Because a girl as wonderful as you will never be short of options!
