What you Don’t Expect When you are Expecting
Everyone knows what being pregnant entails. There is no shortage of books, websites and well meaning advice out there warning you about what the next nine months will bring. Pregnancy rarely sneaks up on you; before the little line goes blue you and your body know about it. There’s the constant retching and nausea, like a ninety day hangover without the memories of a great night out. The strange cravings, the sore boobs; the stomach cramps and mood swings, the chronic exhaustion and the incessant, uncontrollable masturbation.
Woah, back up… what did I say?
Oh yes, the all consuming horniness that many a mother-to-be is overwhelmed with in the second trimester, or for a lucky few throughout the full nine months.
This is the part of pregnancy that is kind of mentioned in some books but never really focused upon. It stands to reason of course, with acute breast sensitivity, extra hormones flying around, increased lubrication and more blood circulating around the vulva and clitoral regions, that some may experience a heightened sex drive.
So what’s wrong with all that? I hear you cry. Like a lot of the websites that do mention increased libido tell us, “Take advantage of this time with your partner and share in the joy of how your body is changing. Sex during pregnancy is a great way to stay mentally, emotionally and physically connected.”
Sounds good to me. So why aren’t pregnant women just getting it on with their other half, why am I talking about porn watching and masturbation?
Unfortunately, like pregnancy itself, it’s never as straight forward as we’d like. I spoke with a group of mothers and mothers-to-be about their struggles with their newly heightened sex drives and the multitude of reasons as to why many of us pregnant women turn to porn instead of our men during those long and difficult nine months…
Some women don’t want to go near their men
We love our partners, that’s how they got us pregnant in the first place, but then something happens in the first trimester that makes us hate them a little bit. Sometimes a lot. It’s probably due to the fact that they are getting a child out of this whole ordeal too, but without going through the indignities of pregnancy. Even just being near them makes some of us want to gag.
“I had dreadful hyperemesis gravadarum,” one mother told me. “The slightest smell would set me off, so even the scent of my husband’s deodorant or breath would make me sick. It was insane. So I sorted myself out. Orgasms were pretty much the only thing that lifted my sickness and made me feel better in the first twenty weeks.”
It seems she was not alone, another mum who suffered from the same condition said “I think I viewed porn every day during both pregnancies! To be honest I’m not sure why as I also had a willing and able husband, but frankly I think it was much easier to do it myself, less effort involved. Hypermesis also made me grumpy which I am sure didn’t help.”
Other physical conditions such as pelvic, hip and back pains, migraines and stomach cramps can all lead to a pregnant woman seeking solo orgasms.
The belly and the baby
In your mind you want to swing off the chandeliers and ride your man until dawn, but in reality just getting up off the sofa is an ordeal in itself. Big pregnant tummies are the least practical things when it comes to sex, leaving very few sexual positions available – not to mention having to contend with the sensation of another person moving around inside of you while your partner is trying to do the same.
It’s weird. It’s not sexy.
“If I could have sex every waking moment right now, I would,” one mum-to-be told me. “But my other half never tries anything on because he worries about putting too much pressure on my stomach. Basically the idea of sex when pregnant gets a bit gross, so I do a lot on my own. A LOT! More than I care to admit.”
Another mother confessed, “My poor Rampant Rabbit vibrator was like ‘oh no, not again!’ I was even at it in my dreams!”
In fact sex during pregnancy is medically encouraged. Anything the mother feels the baby does too, so happy hormones and orgasmic highs are all welcome. The man’s penis doesn’t venture anywhere close to the sealed uterus (sorry boys, you aren’t that huge) and in fact nipple stimulation, orgasms and sex itself have been proven to encourage the onset of labour – with some women even experiencing climaxes as the baby crowns.
“Did I have feelings of guilt about all my porn watching and masturbation?” asked one mum. “Hell no! I figured if my babies get any part of the satisfaction I got then at least it made up for all the retching!”
So if the only thing putting you off from having sex with your man is that it’s not good for the baby, don’t worry. Get it on, just avoid the chandeliers.
They can’t keep up
You’d think our men would be over the moon with our heightened libido, but they have feelings too and no one wants to be someone’s sex toy. One woman said that her husband exclaimed “I’m not a machine you know!” after her incessant need for nightly sex.
So all that solo action is actually us being considerate to our men, we’re good like that.
Sometimes they just aren’t around
Many stay at home mums, or those on maternity leave, have a lot of house-bound time apart from their other halves. So what do you do when the mood takes you, you are all alone and your husband isn’t due home for hours or even weeks?
“I was so tired and really horny all the way through my second pregnancy,” one mother of two said. “I would take my toddler to nursery, come home, masturbate and then sleep until it was time to go and pick my child up from school again. That was basically all I did, sleep and masturbate. I was like a teenage boy!”
Another mother remarked “I had eleven weeks of bed rest with my youngest, I was all over porn, there was nothing else to do. Seriously.”
The great thing about pregnancy orgasms is that they are stronger, longer and more intense than normal ones. “I used to wake up climaxing in my sleep,” another mother explained. “It went on for ages, waves constantly washing through my entire body. I was worried about it at first because I couldn’t find anything online about it to see if it was normal and I was too embarrassed to ask a doctor. ”
We feel so unsexy
All this sex and masturbation sounds positively wonderful, but unfortunately mother nature has a nasty sense of humour and gives some of us a raging libido when we are feeling our least sexiest. Or our men are put off by our growing tummies and the idea of having sex with us while their child grows inside us.
“I didn’t want a penis inside me,” explained one mum. “I felt fat and ugly. I couldn’t even eat dinner without heartburn. I felt so full of baby that I was claustrophobic even standing next to someone. Some days I felt like I couldn’t breath. So the idea of penetration, no thanks. But I was still so horny that even crossing my legs or clenching my pelvic floor muscles would bring me close to orgasm.”
So if you want sex but you and your man don’t necessarily want to be all over each other, it seems it is normal to turn to porn. But where are these pregnant porn lovers going to satisfy their hormonal cravings?
Where men are known to be visual creatures, many of the women said they enjoyed reading saucy books such as Fifty Shades of Grey or online stories from erotic literature sites such as cliterati.co.uk and literotica.com. Others enjoyed watching porn alone or with their men, and soon got addicted to sites such as pornhub.com to satisfy their raging hormones.
What happens to the sex after birth?
So what happens after the birth? Are our relationships rekindled, sexual fires roaring and our libidos at breaking point? Uhm… no. Because a baby has arrived. Every spare second and ounce of energy we once possessed is now a memory. Unfortunately the mismatched sex drives and a man’s unwillingness make love to us when our bodies crave it so much can have a serious affect on a relationship.
“I really resented the fact that I had no other option but to masturbate when I got really turned on during my second pregnancy,” said one woman. “I was huge and my husband’s lack of interest made me feel rejected. More importantly it made me feel that he wasn’t able to put me and my needs first at a time when I was so vulnerable. I really questioned our relationship, particularly after the birth when suddenly he got his interest back but I was exhausted with a new baby. It took a lot of arguments and discussions to get us back on track.”
Like with any other aspect of a relationship, communication is key. So regardless of whether you are one of the rampant mums-to-be or not, it’s important to ensure you stay mentally and physically connected to your partner because once the baby arrives things only get tougher.
And rest assured, if you are reading this while planning your pregnancy and wondering whether you will need to upgrade your Sky to all the porn channels, don’t worry – some women go in totally the opposite direction and lose their libido completely. As one woman told me, “As soon as my body knew it was pregnant it said ‘nope, no more sperm needed here’ and repelled all advances.”
So there you have it… for some it’s all porn mags and dildos, and for others it’s all about having a sit down and a nice cup of tea. Much like pregnancy itself, you never know what you are going to get so you may as well give in to it and enjoy!
