Are we Pushing Nature too Far?
Earlier this week, I got engrossed in a heated debate with my mother-in-law. You see, in the last few weeks it seems the media has gone stir crazy with the amount of news stories that include mothers who are having children later in life.
Now before I get a whole heap of virtual rotten eggs thrown at me, let me just clarify my position on a few things.
1: I have PCOS – and for a good few years I was told that I would not be able to have children, and if I was lucky enough to conceive it would not be easy. I still consider myself incredibly lucky to now have two beautiful daughters whom I conceived naturally. I believe that any woman who has the ‘pit of the stomach’ belief that they want to have children should always be given the chance if science and nature allow.
2: Having a child is a privilege, and not a right. Those who have the chance to have children should always remember that there are so many people that will never ever be lucky enough to go through the ‘thrill’ of pregnancy and the wonder that is childbirth.
3: Let me also state that not all pregnancies are perfect or easy going. I was unlucky enough to endure Hyperemesis during both pregnancies and my second daughter was born premature after many complications. So, although I know I am lucky to have been able to have a child, I also know the struggles that many women face. Not every pregnancy is easy.
4: I was not a ‘teen’ mother, but neither was I an older mother (although looking around the room at my antenatal class, I questioned that. At the age of 23 I felt like the oldest in the room!)
5: I am (and I say this with my hand on my heart) a big believer in living life to the fullest and without regrets. So if you want kids, and you are ‘getting on in years’ – if you are healthy and able, why the hell not try?
However…
This is where things get complicated. Not everyone, at every age, should be able to have a child. There are limitations that science and evolution should not mess with. For practical reasons.
Queue the screams of hatred from the many… but please read this with an open mind. I am never one to judge and this issue is one that I have thought long and hard about.
The debate myself and my mother-in-law had was a debate that took place after a multitude of press headlines.
First, Janet Jackson announced her pregnancy.
At the age of 49, Janet announced she was pregnant with her husband Wissam Al Mana whom she wed back in 2012. Her brother Jermaine expressed his joy at the news and commented that not only would she be a ‘great mother’ but that the Jackson family ‘needs more girls in the family’. Life is too short to live with regrets and she wanted a baby. Even her mother, at the ripe old age of 86 was open about her approval, and encouraged the star to get pregnant before it was too late.
Personally, I don’t see the issue with this. She is still of an age where IVF is a possibility, and although risky it is not unheard of.
70 Year Old Mother
The second story that hit the press, and I have to admit shocked me ever so slightly, was the news that a 70 year old woman had just given birth.
Now admittedly, she is not 100% sure of her age as she has no birth certifcate, but at an approximate age of 70, and having endured IFV to concieve… this is when I started to question the situation.
Is 70 too old to have a child?
Realistically, the mother and father are unlikely to ever watch their child walk down the aisle (unless as a teenage groom) and certainly unlikely to see the birth of grandchildren. At the age of 70 you start to question if their health and stamina are up to the standard you would hope they would have when dealing with night feeds, colic, health issues and dare I mention the terrible twos?
But the fact of the matter is not whether we believe she is a fit enough mother at the age of 70; we have no idea about her health, her strength or the support system around her. Who are we to judge her on her life choices or indeed her right to have a child?
The questions in my mind surround the medical aspects.
The human body is far more complex than most give it credit for and far more intelligent that we will ever understand. As women, our bodies are ‘designed’ to be able to give birth. We endure more pain during childbirth than most men will ever experience in a lifetime, and many of us without any pain relief at all.
Our bodies play host to a whole other person for 40 weeks. We feed and keep this little life safe from harm. Our bodies are amazing.
BUT… and it is a big but. Our bodies are only built to withstand so much.
As a female, we are born with a finite amount of eggs. Unlike men, who can procreate until the day they die, a woman can only have children for as long as there are eggs in her ovaries and her body is able to carry.
Past the age of 50, risks to a woman during pregnancy include “Complications associated with blood pressure, blood sugars, other things that can affect the mother’s health.” Recently, in an interview with CBS, Dr. Ruth M. Farrell, a bioethicist in the department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology at Cleveland Clinic, explained just how risky a late term pregnancy can be.
But the uncertainties are not only to the mother. Risk of pre-term labour and complications with preeclampsia endanger the life of the unborn child.
As we age, as much as we hate to admit it, our bodies deteriorate. Issues can arise with kidneys, high blood pressure, heart problems. Our bodies have endured years of battering and weathering from so many angles and are simply not as well equipped after a certain time to handle the stress that a full term pregnancy can put on us.
Think about it for a second. For 40 weeks your body swells to the biggest it will ever be. Your internal organs are displaced to make room for another human being and the exhaustion you feel in the first and last three months is ‘nothing’ to a twenty something compared to a woman over the age of 50.
Is it fair to put our bodies through that after so many loyal years of service?
But then again, at the age of 70, this amazing woman gave birth to a healthy baby and seems fit herself. I applaud her for her resilience and determination and I hope that the child will be surrounded by loving family members for years to come.
This particular case, although somewhat eye opening, can in the most part be applauded. Many may shake their heads in confusion and question if it is fair to leave a child potentially without a father and mother from a young age, but life is life and you never know what is around the corner.
So after the spirited debate with my mother-in-law, in which I explained my case and mentioned that although I find myself questioning certain aspects of their decisions, in the most part I applaud these women for giving up their ‘twilight years’ to bring new life into the world.
I then read this story…
101 Year Old Woman gives Birth after Successful Ovary Transplant
Mind utterly blown!
In my opinion, (and I am more than aware that there will be people out there who disagree but please hear me out) this is utterly wrong. If your body is genuinely past the point of safely offering a home to a growing baby; if you are putting your life and the life of a baby at risk, then you are simply too old to have a baby.
There are so many children in the world without loving homes. So many beautiful baby boys and girls who would give anything to be held by a loving mother, irrespective of who gave birth to them. To risk the life of yourself and that of a baby simply to say you gave birth is quite simply ludicrous.
Anatolia Vertadella, the 101-year-old Italian woman, gave birth to a 9-pound baby after a controversial ovary transplant. 9lbs! The baby was not even small, it was a large baby.
After 16 other children, Anatoli admitted she simply had not given up hope for another biological child. The new mother, who stated that she had felt ‘useless to God’ for far too long, was grateful to be given the gift of fertility once more.
Dr. Alexandro Popolicchi openly endorsed the decision taken by the private Turkish clinic to undertake the surgery for his patient (which is illegal under European health laws).
“Who am I to judge if it is the proper thing to do? She has given birth to a beautiful baby and this miraculous birth is definitely a gift from God!” he told reporters. “The operation was completely legal in Turkey and undertaken by a handful of expert surgeons. The lady is in great health for her age and I predict she has still a many good years in front of her to share with her child. So many children are born in this world unwanted or by accident. Is it not a beautiful thing to know this child comes to life in a loving home?”
The next part of the story that shocked me (although I am not sure why given her age) is that Anatolia chose to have the child with a sperm donor. Although a devout catholic, Anatolia admits that, of course, she is not married to the 26 year old donor and he will play no part in the upbringing of the child. He is of course Catholic, which was incredibly important.
“I know we are not married and that he will not play a part in Francesco’s life, but I have written to the pope to ask his absolution. I have also named my child after the pope in his honour and so I believe he should find a place in his heart to forgive me in this particular situation. I still love my deceased husband and desire to stay a widow until I leave this earth, but I needed the seed of this young fervent Catholic to fulfil God’s will.”
Now, I am Catholic. I was brought up in the Catholic faith and although I question certain areas of my faith, this is one which I believe I am open to. The fact that she is having a child out of wedlock does not bother me in the slightest, and I don’t believe it would bother our somewhat progressive Pope either. I have no issue with her using a sperm donor, in fact I (yet again) applaud women who take the decision to use a donor at any point in their life to bring a child into the world who will be loved irrespective of how many parents take part in the child’s upbringing.
What concerns me about this story is the fact that we now live in a world where we believe it is acceptable to have an ‘ovary transplant’ in order to have a child at such a late age. If the ovary transplant was for a young, fit and healthy woman that would be one thing – but at the age of 101 you have to question the decision made.
This lady, this strong, incredibly God loving and faithful woman, took the decision to go against her own body and bare a child at the age of 101!
Can you imagine the pain, the distress and the damage that pregnancy and birth will do to a body that has endured 101 years on the planet? How risky the pregnancy could have been for both involved.
Our bodies are incredible. Far more intelligent than we give them credit for. They will alert us when something is wrong, deliver pain to show us when we are pushing the boundaries of what they can deliver. We can carry a human being inside ourselves for 40 weeks and give birth without pain killers. We can endure acute operations, recovery, endurance sports… the list is endless.
But our bodies are not machines and they have a limit.
Women are born with a certain amount of eggs. Be it that you believe that God himself determines how many you have and how many opportunities you have to bare a child, or be it that you (as I believe) carry the amount your body believes you can handle. Once they run out, once your body has reached an age where it believes you are past the point of safely carrying a child, that is when you need to listen.
One last caveat.
I am more than aware that many women reading this may have, or may currently be having fertility issues. My heart and love goes out to you. This article is not about the ‘ability’ to have a child or whether I believe you ‘should’ if your body is telling you you can’t.
I believe wholeheartedly in IVF. I believe in the advancement of science and pushing past the boundaries to give those who are desperate for a child the chance to try.
This article is simply a question as to whether, at the age of 70, or indeed the age of 101, we should be putting our tired, incredibly worn bodies through such trauma, when quite frankly they have earned the chance to rest and enjoy their twilight years.
Is there an age that you think we (as a human race) should simply shelve the idea of parenthood. As a mother, could you justify putting your life, and the life of your unborn baby at risk simply because you have put your body though enough?
When is enough, simply enough?
How old is too old?
