10 Reasons why More than a Handful’s a Waste
Let me tell you a story. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin…
Once upon a time there was a young girl and she was beautiful. Eighteen years old, flawless skin with not an open pore in sight, long grey-less hair and a size eight middle (that’s a teeny size 4 for our American cousins). She was so fresh and youthful, so toned and unweathered, but that young lady was still sad. Why was she so woeful when she was so perfect? Because she was a fully fledged member of the Itty Bitty Titty Commitee.
She had small boobs.
Yes, that young thing was me. I had itty bitty titties and it was all I thought about.
Day and night I fraught over what to do about my lack of cleavage. I had drawers full of push up bras, I read articles about how beer and yeast tablets could make bangers bigger, I would massage them and do special arm exercises (or should that be ExtraSizes?) like Rizzo from Grease – I must, I must, I must increase my bust – but to no avail. I had a tiny pert bottom, flat stomach, shapely legs and teeny tiny waist too but I hardly noticed them. It was all about the boobies…and they were severely lacking. They just about filled an A cup.
As I entered my twenties they got fuller and rounder along with my hips, they were even the topic of chat up lines as they became slightly more than a handful. Now, two kids later, and they are a respectable B-C cup. Mind you, the rest of me has gone up two sizes too. How I wish I had made the most of my lovely tight little bod and ignored my diddy décolletage.
So here are 10 reasons for you fellow Itty Bitty Titty Commitee members as to why small boobs are best:
1. You don’t have to wear a bra
Oh the freedom! ANY outfit is open to you. Strapless tops and bare backed dresses don’t need expensive complicated underwear…you can go commando on top and still look amazing.
2. Topless sunbathing
You know when you lie down on a hot European beach, sunbathing topless, and your huge boobs disappear somewhere under your armpits? Of course you don’t! Yours stay ever pert, nipples skyward. Beautiful.
3. Pretty underwear
No thick, rope-like bra straps for you. No reinforced metal wiring and cups big enough to turn into baby hats for twins. No, not only can you wear the flimsiest of lacy pieces but the chances are you will also get them in the sale as the Bs and Cs sell out faster.
4. They won’t sag as you get older
You will always pass the pencil test. Always. Even after having kids. Enough said.
5. You can sleep on your front
Big boobed babes can’t, you know. And they get all sorts of back ache and stooped shoulders too.
6. You will never hear this song:
Do your tits hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow?
Can you sling them over your shoulder, like a regimental soldier?
Do your tiiiiits haaaaang loooow?
7. Magic
It’s a fact, small boobs can go bigger but big ones can’t get smaller (without medical intervention). Chicken fillets, Wonderbras and lots of padding and your chest can have a whole new look on a night out.
8. Jogging doesn’t hurt
No black eyes for you as your pendulous breasts swing back and forth, up and down, while you try and exercise. You don’t have to clutch them when running up the stairs, or hold your bag up against them while running for the bus (because that’s a good look). In fact you don’t even have to wear a bra in the gym, just a snug little vest top.
9. Men look you in the eye when they are talking to you
Okay, they will probably glance at them for a fleeting moment because, well, because that’s what most men do. But once they see you don’t have a pair of massive whoppers they will direct the rest of the conversation to your face instead of your cleavage. Which is refreshingly nice.
10. It never did Kate Moss any harm
Or Twiggy, Amy Winehouse, Gwyneth Paltrow, Keira Knightley, Rihanna, Cameron Diaz, Shakira, Natalie Portman, Gwen Stefani – hell, most catwalk models and gorgeous, successful, famous women have small boobs. They haven’t succumbed to painful breast enlargements to get noticed. They have talent to do that for them.
So if you are young and gorgeous in every way but fixated on your lack of boobage – STOP!!
Because just like the rest of you they too are perfect, and luckily when you are a decrepit old bag then your boobs will still be perfect and the only thing not hanging down between your knees. Hurray!
