Who’s Learning from who?
I was the best parent ever, before I had children of my own. I knew it all. I judged all mothers, scoffed at working mums who complained about their daily struggles (How could any kid be harder work than my high powered job? I thought), I would give dirty looks to the difficult kids on airplanes and the ones in supermarkets having major melt downs (Ha! I’ve watched Supernanny, I could get that kid into shape in no time! I thought) and I vowed that my child would always be in control, polite, immaculate, fed organically and be cleverer than anyone else in their class.
Then I had my own children and failed BIG time.
Because my kids came out normal. Fantastic in every way, yes, but no different to every other kid out there (Thank Goodness). And now that they are at that good age (4 and 6) when nappies, pureed meals, breastfeeding and bottles, teething, potty training and hours of crying is all but a sleep-deprived blur that I never wish to revisit – I can stop and take note.
Now, I can look at them and really look at them. And what I see amazes me. I don’t know how it happened, or when, or even how – but my husband and I created two perfect little girls who have so much us in them and even more of themselves. And every day, regardless of the fact that we pride ourselves at teaching them new things all the time – even then, I realise they have taught me more than I have ever taught them.
Here are 10 of my biggest life lessons courtesy of my kiddywinks:
1. Patience
I never had it before. I didn’t need it. If my job was going badly, I left it. If I couldn’t do something, I gave up. If I was bored, I moved on to something different. But what do you do if your kid is learning to read, or tie their shoelaces, or walking at a snail’s pace when you are in a hurry? You wait, that’s what you do. And you smile. And you tell them they are doing a great job… even though you want to scream or run away. Because you are a parent now, so suck it up. I learnt that lesson pretty quickly.
2. The power of a picture
One of the things I looked forward to the most about becoming a mother was getting to be crafty with the kids. But I never imagined just how many bloody pictures my two would create. See the drawings dotted about this article? Yep, they were produced in one morning by my two girls, just ONE morning! They draw a picture – I praise them – I put it to one side and then three days later I (sorry, sorry, sorry) throw it away. Because my house is not the Louvre and I only have so much room.
But try this – next time your kid paints a picture actually look at what they draw, that’s when you really understand them. As you can see my two concentrate on family, friends, beautiful gardens, butterflies and happy sunshines. I hope that’s what the world looks like through their eyes – and how they see their life. That thought makes me happy. As does the fact that every picture they draw for me is a gift, and even though I’m not able to keep every single one, I still react to their gesture as I would if they were giving me a shop-bought gift. The same goes with every pebble, flower or leaf my girls hand me in the street. Because what they are actually saying is ‘I Love You’, so you need to smile and let them know how happy they make you.
3. Friends are great
How little do we appreciate our friends? As we get older we need them less and less – we have families, jobs, money and many a responsibility to fill our heads with. But kids don’t. To them, if their friend wants to play with them or not is a big deal, it’s what makes or breaks their day. Because they are right, friendship IS important. And normally the friends we make in the school playground are the ones that are still there for us now. The ones who know the real us, the child inside. So don’t lose them, make it work.
4. The importance of silence
I never appreciated the power of silence. That glorious buzz of nothingness. That space and time that allows you to hear your thoughts and feel centred again. I had that for years and years in my twenties and called it ‘boredom’… now, with two squawking, chattering, fidgety little monkeys in tow my mind is abuzz with a constant noise so deafening it has become musical wallpaper. So silence – when it comes – is my blanket of serenity.
5. Get over it
An argument between two six year old girls sounds like this:
‘I hate you, you are not my friend any more!’
‘I don’t care, I’m never ever speaking to you again.’
‘You are stupid!’
‘You are an idiot.’
‘I didn’t mean to take your Barbie. It was an accident.’
‘Okay. Do you want my other biscuit?’
‘Yes! Let’s go and play…’
And that’s how arguments should go. Express your feelings, show your emotions, resolve it and move on.
Until next time.
6. Nothing lasts
One of my favourite phrases that holds extra power now I am a parent is ‘this too shall pass.‘
It was my mantra during sleepless night with my teething baby and her bright red cheeks, when my two year old would have a public screaming show and when my six year old first told me she hated me. But it’s also my mantra when my kids hug me tight and tell me they love me, when they want to tell me every little thing that has happened to them that day and when they skip down the road hand in hand as if nothing bad will ever happen. Those moments, the good and bad, they don’t last. Smile and remember the perfect, and grit your teeth and ride out the tough… it’s not forever.
7. Never stop asking
Because children don’t. On, and on, and on, and on they go asking and asking and asking. They don’t feel any shame in not knowing, nor do they mind being corrected. They will ask until they know, then they will know that forever. So now I ask more too… and you know what? I get a lot more than I used to as well.
8. Fun and laughter in everything
How many times do you laugh in a day? Once, twice, three times? Children laugh thirty to fifty times a day. That’s nearly all the time. Everything is fun. Everything! Because everything is a new experience. As adults we have lost that – we know a morning in the launderette is no thrill, we know that picking veg in the market and washing the car are just some things we have to do.
But kids don’t know that and they see what we have been blind to for a long time – that the world is a fun place. And that funny stuff happens… so laugh!!! The more you believe that, the more you will feel and see. Try it!
9. Perseverance
No child is born, stands up and walks off to their crib. It takes effort and willpower to learn to do anything – from taking your first steps to riding a bike. I watched my six year old at Christmas step on to an ice rink for the first time and fall over twenty times. And get back up twenty times. She didn’t stop until she was skating alone, because that is how you become great at something. At what point did we lose that lesson along the way?
10. Love. Always Love.
Children show their love for us in every single act that they do. From doing as they are told, to finding a feather in the garden and giving it to us. They hug us, sit on us, kiss us and want us all day and all night. Most of the time it feels the opposite of love, it feels like a suffocating prison of responsibility and duty. But when we stop thinking about our own need for space and silence, and our children’s need for security and affection – we realise they want just one thing from us. Love. And that is the one thing we are guaranteed to receive from them unconditionally. Love. Always.
So, with my two little teachers now in bed and tears plopping off my cheeks onto my keyboard, I ask you this:
How much has YOUR child taught YOU?
How much have you changed, grown and morphed into the parent they need you to be… while you were so busy trying to create the child you wanted them to be? Are you proud of your kid? You should be. And if you are, then you should be even prouder of yourself… because that bundle of awesomeness is all down to you. And they adore you for it!
