Do You Know Your Grunts From Your Shrieks?
Well ladies and gents, it’s that time of year again. With Wimbledon in full swing, audiences from all over the globe will be tuning in to watch a tiny yellow ball fly from one side of a grass court to the other. Personally, I am not 100% sure about its appeal, but I watch anyway. For entirely different reasons.
For me, there are three things that keep me entertained… the butts, the grunts and the sex-on-legs. Let’s face it, if we are going to be forced to watch sport during the hot summer months, there has to a better reason than the possibility of Cliff Richard popping up from the crowds with an impromptu verse from Summer Holiday.
Grunting – now there is something I never thought I would be fan of. I am much more prudish and believe those kinds of noises should be held in at all times, even in the bedroom. However, during a tennis match it is just too hilarious not to comment on. Grunting (also described as ‘shrieking’ or ‘screaming’) is the noise that is made by a player when they attempt to take their shot.
Monica Seles and Jimmy Connors are thought to be the original grunters, but many modern tennis players have adopted this somewhat “haka” style approach to intimidation. Some clever clogs even decided to measure the decibel level of the shrieks of some of the players and record it on a Grunt-O-Meter!
So with that said and just for a giggle, here at The Glass House, we have deiced to rank our favourite tennis players of all time, based solely on their epic grunt prowess.
#1:
Name: Maria Sharapova
Nationality: Russian
Grunt Level: 101 Decibels
Decibel Equivalent: Jet Plane flying overhead at a height of 1000 Feet.
Sharapova has long been recognised as the Queen of Grunts within tennis circles. Her almost climatic shriek is forceful enough to strike fear into any opponent. Personally I worry about her poor boyfriend Grigor Dimitrov. But then Dimitrov’s best friend is Novak Djokovic, who also scores high in our Grunting Hall of Fame, so Dimitrov is surrounded by noisy grunters! Poor man!
#2
Name: Monica Seles
Nationality: American
Grunt Level: 93.2 Decibels
Decibel Equivalent: Louder that a motorbike revving at a distance of 25 feet.
Monica Seles has the unique accolade of being one of the first females to ‘invent’ the grunt during tennis, so although some players since her have perfected the technique, it seems only fair that she slots into our top ten. Her grunt however is a little more unique – Monica adopted a two tone sound. The first moan quickly followed by a louder and much higher pitched groan. Monica did however attempt to tone down her groans of excitement after being threatened with a fine at Wimbledon, although she now regrets giving into the peer pressure. I say she should have kept her unique mark, despite what the umpires believe, it can only be a mark of passion surely?
#3 and #4
Names: Serena and Venus Williams
Nationality: American
Grunt Level: 88.9 and 88 Decibels respectively
Decibel equivalent: Jack Hammer
This sister act has taken the Tennis scene by storm for a multitude of reasons and grunting is only one. Serena’s grunt is aggressive, low pitched and increases in depth when she gets excited (and I am talking about tennis, ladies, not in the bedroom before you get any cheeky ideas). Serena’s sister Venus may be a little lower on the grunt decibel level, but her vocal abilities are in a world of their own. Much higher pitched, they tend to warble when she is nervous. Venus’ grunts went viral back in 2007 when she had commentators sniggering during her match with Grunt front-runner Maria Sharapova.
#5
Name: Victoria Azarenka
Nationality: Belarusian
Grunt Level: 83.5 Decibels
Decibel Equivalent: Power Lawnmower
Victoria has a very unique grunt/shriek. Considered as one of the modern grunting tennis players, Azarenka developed her squeal on tour in the absence of grunting professional Sharapova.
#6
Name: Anna Kournikova
Nationality: Russian
Grunt Level: 78.5 Decibels
Decibel Equivalent: Vacuum cleaner
Anna Kournikova is known for a multitude of reasons, not least her relationship with hottie pop star Enrique Iglesias. Kournikova’s noisy tendencies only tend to boil to the surface when she finds herself under immense pressure or strain. God help Enrique during an argument, is all I can say. It is not often you will hear her let rip, but when you do, it stuns you – more so because you are not expecting it.
Now – that is a list of the top 6 female grunters. But rest assured it is not only the women who let out a climactic cry during moments of passion. The men on the court are just as bad…
#7
Name: Rafael Nadal
Nationality: Spanish
Grunt Level: Less is more
Rafael Nadal is just as bad as some of the women on the courts. His aggressive grunts strike fear into his opponents, and has at times had many of his fellow players (including Roger Federer) complaining about cheating tactics. That doesn’t stop the tennis pro from voicing his opinions… on the court of course!
#8
Name: Novak Djokovic
Nationality: Serbian
Grunt Level: Like a sniper
Djokovic is just as vocal when he finds himself on centre court. His grunts may have started as a response to cheating tactics from other players, but he doesn’t seem to be attempting to tone it down any time soon. In fact some of the best grunting matches we have seen have been between Djokovic and Nadal.
#9
Name: David Ferrer
Nationality: Spanish
Grunt Level: Power pusher
Ferrer’s grunts seem to come after hitting the ball, and some seem to believe it is more a release of energy rather than an intimidation tactic or a way to push power behind the ball. However, not all tennis pro’s feel as positive about the release of energy. Fellow pro Andy Murray has voiced his disapproval on more than one occasion about Ferrer’s vocal outbursts.
#10
Name: Jimmy Connors
Nationality: American
Grunt Level: O.G. (Original Grunter)
We can’t have a top ten without mentioning the legend that is Jimmy Connors. He may well be known for his emotional outburst, but he has also long been attributed as the first high profile player to grunt during matches. We can forgive the fact that we have no equivalent for his decibel level simply for the fact that he created the grunt in the first place. He swears blind it was not as a distraction technique – but given his emotional outburst, I beg to differ.
