10 Tips To Tickle His Pickle (And Give YOU Multiples)
I write about sex a lot. A lot. My husband would probably complain that I write about it more often than I do it, but hey… as I have said before… it doesn’t always take two to tango. Some like dancing alone (wink, wink)!
So, why am I talking about sex? Again. Because too many people are not getting it. By that I mean they aren’t getting enough sex and worse, they aren’t getting the point of it. Which is sad. Really sad. Not only are the best things in life free, but sex is the only free thing that also gives you orgasms. And orgasms are great.
And don’t give me that bullshit about chocolate being as good as sex, because if it is then you have either never had a real man rock your world or you have got your hands on some confectionery that this Lady needs to try!
In all seriousness though, unless you have a mental or physical reason why you can’t have sex… then go and have lots of sex. Now!
Why are you still here?
Okay, looks like you are going to need more convincing. So for those of you that think sex is just about sticking it in, lying back and thinking of England (or what you are cooking for dinner that night) then please read on. Here is my 10 point plan on how to have better sex – and not just for him, but for you too.
Because, let’s face it, enjoying yourself is the whole point of doing it!
1. Sex on the brain
Women don’t have a little switch on the back of our heads, it’s not that easy to turn us ON (mind you, turning us OFF isn’t so difficult). If you’re not having it because you don’t feel like it then you need to jump start you libido motor. And that’s not that challenging – you need to be a man about it and get Sex On The Brain! Pick up a saucy book or two (see what our very own Duchess had to say about Fifty Shades Of Grey), talk about it, think about it, read about it and watch your favourite romance.
2. Practice makes perfect
Find out what you like. I know it sounds strange to suggest you go solo when I’m trying to get you to have better sex (with an actual person that isn’t you). But you won’t get anything out of it unless you already know what you like. So get exploring… until you feel confident that he will hit the right spot every time. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, as I have said before (click here for my article about Female Masturbation).
3. Just do it
Right, go tell your other half you want it. Actually, don’t tell him, just show him. Whatever you do don’t ask, never ask for sex… just get it on. Yes, even if you’re not in the mood yet, because once you get going you will get in the mood.
4. Keep the light on
This isn’t the Victorian times, let him watch you. Men are visual beings. What have you got to be nervous or worried about? If you have a naked man between your legs it’s a safe bet that he’s pretty pleased to see you. And he’ll be even more pleased if he can see the expression of unadulterated pleasure on your face and your juicy bum bouncing up and down.
5. Get the volume right
There’s nothing worse than having sex with a woman who lies there still and quiet. Seriously, you’re not a corpse. Let him know you are enjoying yourself, the odd ‘hmmm’ or ‘oh yeah’ will suffice – you don’t need to go all porno and scream out ‘Oh baby, fill me up with your love pump’ loud enough so the neighbours get jealous. Unless your man likes that kinda stuff.
6. Let go
Lose your inhibitions. Forget about your stretch marks or your cellulite, if you’ve got this far he’s not worrying that you haven’t shaved your legs for two days. And as for your weight, unless you are sitting on his face I’m sure he won’t care… in fact, even if you are sitting on his face, believe me he still won’t care. Sex gets dirty and playful and extremely intimate – so if you’re not prepared to go all the way to experience the exquisite pleasures that my favourite hobby has to offer, then ask yourself whether you actually trust the person you are sleeping with. Because if you don’t, don’t do it.
7. Satisfy yourself
First rule of good sex: Make sure he doesn’t climax before you do. Most men are polite enough to get you off before they get off, so make sure you keep him waiting. Even if you have to help things along yourself, it will only heighten his viewing pleasure.
8. Take your time
If it’s a quickie then skip number 7, but if you have all evening then don’t feel pressured to rush it because he wants to reach his happy ending. Take your time, tease him, spend longer on foreplay than the actual sex bit… because by the time he gets there you will both be so turned on it will only make things better. And if you are taking too long to cum, well sod him. Don’t fake it to be polite, just try and relax and don’t worry about it.
9. Lead the way
Tell him what you like and ask him if he likes what you are trying. I’m not saying have a full blown chat, but guide his fingers or tongue or hands to the right places and murmur encouragingly when he hits the spot. You can’t complain that your man is crap in bed if you have never shown him what you like. Every woman is different, maybe his ex liked having her hair pulled or her ears nibbled – if you don’t, just tell him.
10. Forget about the bedroom
Sex isn’t just something that happens in the bedroom… so get adventurous. Yes, even if it’s with your husband. Especially if it’s with your husband. Because there is nothing more depressing than sex becoming routine and you both automatically going through the motions. Spice it up. Have a shower together, shag in the garden at night, have a tumble on the sofa once the kids have gone to bed, lock the door in your mother in law’s house and have a quickie against the sink (be careful, they come away from the wall easily).
Not so difficult, eh ladies? Once you both start connecting again you will fancy each other more than ever. You will feel closer, more attractive and more relaxed. The more you do it, the more you’ll want it. Just having him pat you on the bum or look at you across the packed train after work should get your knickers in a fizz.
Sex should never be a chore, something to tick off the list and get out of the way. It doesn’t matter if you met ten days or ten years ago, you should enjoy each other’s bodies and he should make you feel like a Goddess.
And if, after points 1-10, he still doesn’t get you all of a jitter… then have a serious word with yourself. Because perhaps it’s not the sex that you have an issue with but the man you are doing it with.
