By The Duchess, 26th April 2016

Bring Back Our Plates

We Don't Want to Eat from Bricks and Tiles!

We Don’t Want to Eat from Bricks and Tiles!

I am a traditional person. I love traditional colours, classic fashion and stylish restaurants. Don’t get me wrong, I love a funky pop up restaurant and Heston Blumenthal’s incredible creations are great for a one-off special treat. I even love the idea of Antony Worrall-Thompson’s Dessert Only restaurant. But let’s face it, most of the time when I turn up to a restaurant, I want to know that my food will be cooked properly, presented nicely and served on plates with good quality cutlery and fine crystal wine glasses.

Recently, I got dressed up in a classy little black dress, put on my most sparkly shoes, had my hair in a perfect French chignon and headed out to what I was told was the best restaurant in the city.

I ordered a lovely meal, and was shocked when the entire thing turned up presented on a brick.

Yes – a BRICK. Not a beautiful white china plate. A big red brick that looked like it had been hauled out of a demolished building.

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My first reaction was “how do I know this is clean?

I am not OCD in the respect that I worry about touching door handles, or covering my mouth in the presence of others, but I do like to know that my cutlery is clean and the plates have been washed. How on earth are you supposed to trust that this porous block of sand has indeed been cleaned thoroughly?

Every other person sat at the table was amazed and delighted at what they saw stated was an ‘innovative new technique‘. A clever use of modern design. Poppycock! Me, all I could see in my mind’s eye was a slug crawling over a brick on a building site.

I didn’t enjoy the dinner. The food, I am sure, was delicious, but my mind just could not get around the presentation.

When I got home, I did some research. I am not alone in my utter disdain at this latest craze and it seems that my brick is the ‘least stylish’ of all utensils that are being used to showcase a chef’s best work these days.

A twitter account set up as @WeWantPlates showcases some of the craziest and most outlandish ‘plates‘ the world has to offer.

Take a look at some of the most ridiculous examples to be found around the world.

Unsanitary and Unnecessary!
Because really, who on earth wants to eat from a stone or a shovel. There can be no lady-like or graceful way to consume from either!

Shovel and Stone

Death on a Plate – or AS a Plate! Why not?
I really don’t think much needs to be said about this. Unless you are in the desert surrounded by nothing but sand with no oasis in sight, there is no reason why you should ever be eating a good meal surrounded by, or indeed eaten on the skull of an animal.

skull

Daily Objects Not Meant for Food
Has anyone else ever looked at a dog’s bowl and thought “wow, I wonder what it is like to eat out of that?” Well, okay, maybe your one year old toddler has, but no adult wants to go to a restaurant and be served a ‘dog’s dinner’. As for the shoe, I personally hate the smell of sweaty feet – but each to their own I guess!

DogBowl Shoe and Egg

Leave the Food just Hanging Around
This might look creative, but if I ever see food hanging on my washing line, I know it is because my washing machine is not working and there are stains left on the clothes. At no point do I wish to waste my time ‘un-pegging’ food from a clothes line. I am out to dinner to forget about the ‘daily chores’ not be reminded of them in food form!

clothespeg

Dirty, Guilty and Downright Ridiculous!
No normal person wants to pay to eat in a restaurant to then route around in a skip for their dinner. As for the scales, what woman wants to know exactly how much ‘weight’ she is about to indulge in? The hanging basket is just beyond me. How exactly are you supposed to eat that and what is the point? You have a mini chip fryer full of chips and a hanging basket full of nuggets? That’s not clever, that’s just stupid.

Skip scales and hanging basket

Guilt Trips a Plenty
I love Wimbledon. I love watching the balls flying around, I love the grunting matches between the ladies (and men) and more than anything I love the strawberries and cocktails. I do not, however, like to be guilt tripped about piling on the pounds during the summer tennis season. Serving me sugar heavy scones and ever so ‘healthy’ clotted cream on a tennis racket just reminds me that I should be out there burning off the calories not scoffing them down. Put it away and give me a lovely floral print dish and a fine bone china cup of Earl Grey!

tennis racket

Passing the Buck!
As for my final pick, if I wanted to cook my own dinner, I would stay at home. Serving dinner in a frying pan to anyone (man or woman) is the easiest way to make us feel guilty for not getting up and doing the dishes afterwards. It is a waste of a good frying pan and quite frankly ten times more expensive than a simple elegant china plate.

in a frying pan

So there you have it, this apparently is what some around the world deem as ‘innovative couture dining.’

In my eyes, these novelty dishes serve no other purpose than to clutter up dining tables with unnecessary utensils, they are horribly unhygienic and a terrible way to get people talking about your establishment.

If your food is good enough to be talked about and creates its own buzz, then trust me when I say, serve it on a clean china plate with good cutlery and expensive wine and let the food speak for itself.

In the mean time #BringBackOurPlates!

Images curtesy of @WeWantPlates. For more hilarious pictures, or even to upload your own, check out @WeWantPlates on Twitter and don’t forget to tag @glasshousegirls so we can chuckle along with you all.

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