By Miss Pollyanna, 7th May 2016

Izzy Whizzy Let’s not Drink Fizzy

Man Alive!  What’s Wrong with giving them Lemonade?

Man Alive!  What’s Wrong with giving them Lemonade?

Well nothing. Not if it’s the traditional cloudy freshly made variety of seventies tea party vintage Beatrix Potter Land served up in a Tupperware beaker with a paper straw.

Larry W. Lo
Larry W. Lo

Okay, the Tupperware beakers are an optional extra – and yes, I am totes aware I am sooo contradicting myself on the chemical front should we look at the breakdown of materials in said drinking vessels. But, Tupperware to one side, that’s what I want to say when mums (and dads) retreat from me with caution at birthday parties with their man-alive-you’ve-gotta-be-kidding-you-mean-you-restrict-your-kids-that-much stares.

Perhaps if I wore a kaleidoscopically coloured tie-dye T-shirt, racing green Doc Martins and a yin and yang nose stud I’d get away more lightly…

Gaudencio Garcinuño
Gaudencio Garcinuño

‘But she looks so normal,’ I hear them make a crap job of twittering away in code to one another. ‘Yeah, I know, who’d have thunk it?’

And sometimes I really do wonder if everyone else IS part of some alternative Universe that reads a completely different list of ingredients when they – presumably – check what manufacturers are pumping into our bevvies, which we, in turn, are pumping into our precious Princes and Princesses?

Or maybe it’s just that I’m a Marketing Cynic. No added sugar, yet only 5% natural fruit. And you’re telling me kids want to drink this stuff? Hmmm.  How’s it taste so sweet?

Squash, pop, and don’t even get me started on that nectar of alphabetical sunshine that’s packed full of a certain vitamin; when some are being endorsed by such wholesome activities as Tennis and Football, the manufacturers are certainly playing one linguistically cunning mind game.

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So, I’ve collated my not-so-little list of ingredients with 9 letters or more and seen what that Fountain of Knowledge, The Internet, has to say. And with every imaginable malady from A-Z, it’s not pretty reading, far too depressing to regurgitate in a blog!

Enough to make you want to scream ‘Izzy Whizzy Let’s not Drink Fizzy’ from your rooftop!

I know, I know: Everything read on-line should be taken with a healthy pinch of Pink Himalayan salt – this blog being no exception – and the LOA (Law Of Attraction) savvy part of me knows that it’s all good as long as it’s eaten In The Vortex 🙂 But The Cynic in me (and today she’s putting in a rare appearance) wonders why humanity is surprised at all these illnesses flying around? Without going all Gillian McKeith; surprise, surprise: We Are What We Eat!

So for me, encouraging my children to drink a glass of squash or a bottle of ominously brown hued bubbles loaded with aspartame (or it’s sneaky little sucralose cousin) is like, well, giving them a cigarette!

There. I have said it. So yes. I am going to say, ‘no.’

Shock, horror. Even at a party!

Look. This gorgeous planet of ours is made up of around 71% water. Our bodies (across the vast range of ages and shapes) are composed of around 66% of The Good StuffThe Universe didn’t bestow us with rivers of sugar-free lemon cordial and oceans of cherry flavoured soda. Herein kind of lies the Big Fat Clue.

Zach Dischner
Zach Dischner

For sure, my little rant will annoy the majority, with its utterly condescending tone. And I know it’s not going to change the world, put corporations out of business, or encourage everyone to buy a copy of Dr. Batmanghelidj’s ‘Your Body’s Many Cries For Water’.

Oh, but you so should.

Still, I make no apologies. Neither did Jamie Oliver when he pulled the schools up on Turkey Twizzlers.

But like, couldn’t we just start wondering? What if we started to get curious enough to want to uncover the true identity of these epically named ingredients? If every atom of every morsel is integrated into our bodies, wouldn’t it make sense to give ourselves and our children the good ones?

DISCLAIMER:  Aged 18, or having flown the nest, or at clandestine midnight feasts (which of course would take place behind my back anyway) I hereby give my wholehearted consent for my children to drink their body weight in whatever makes them happy.


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