Being Miniature is no Tall Order!
Okay, I admit: it’s taken me a long time to really love my height, or lack thereof. Festivals, crowds and school plays have hardly made me fall head over statuesque-inducing stiletto heels with my petite 5 foot 2 inch frame, neither has my complete lack of sewing but infinite need to take up my trousers… and skirts… and dresses. Yep, pretty much everything of the clothing nature. And don’t get me started on the frustration encountered when trying to reach for hand luggage in the overhead locker of a plane, or that ever awkward jar at the back of the cupboard (without giving myself whiplash and knocking everything else on the floor and into smithereens in the process). And then there are the aforementioned clothes hung ever-temptingly out of the reach of us midgets at ceiling height in stores. Why? Just why? Even the leggiest among us would have to jump on a trampoline atop a ladder to get there… I also have to concede that it’s best all round if that first (or gazillionth) washing machine style hour long kiss of our teenage years isn’t with the lankiest dude in town…while standing.
But there are an increasing number of times, it would seem, when being tiny really rather rocks. Here is my list, just for the rest of my dwarf-like friends, of the Best 13 Things about being a Shortie:
1: We can get into kids’ clothes
Think about it: this does put us at a distinct advantage. We stay looking younger for much longer AND we save ourselves a small fortune in the process. Double thumbs up!
2: We get preferential treatment in a crowd
Now (as with point 3 below) we DO – more often than not – have to ask. But particularly in Britain, where demonstrating our proficiency in social etiquette is the order of the day, we are greeted with a taller member of the species opening out their arms – whilst inwardly grimacing – as if about to courtesy in front of HRH The Queen. Even if they are simply half a foot taller. The key though is to use this, our green card, ALL of the time. Even in the seemingly pettiest of social situations. Because practice makes perfect.
3: We get to the front at the school play
Likewise, and especially because every parent wants to see their child playing the 3rd shepherd in the school nativity, we’ve got to ask… and a little more assertively with this scenario. But what is a loftier person going to do? They can hardly argue with us that we’re blocking their view; that we are in fact, a whole 2 centimetres and a half taller than them because of the high ponytail decorating our head, or break down and cry. So cash in we must. Just for goodness sake, keep the flippin’ selfie stick in the bag.
4: We’re masters at hide and seek
Oh yeah. It’s much quicker for us to make ourselves invisible quickly as opposed to our gangly friends. We fit behind the weeniest and least obvious of objects, our bodily parts don’t hang out giving the game away, and we make everybody else (including the seeker) raving mad. Such fun! This is particularly handy when we want to make a sharp exit from a negative conversation, oncoming and annoying conversationalist or tantrum-fueled child.
5: We aren’t always subject to mirrors with hideous lighting…
Reinforcing our youthful state of mind from Point 1 and making us generally smilier happier peeps.
6: We don’t need to duck when ugly people try to airbrush kiss us
What a lifesaver this has been for me… and I suspect so many of you. If we don’t match up in height, no need to bend and tiptoe in embarrassment; let’s just not bother.
7: Flying’s a doddle
There’s no being hemmed in, cramped legs or constantly bent elbows for us. We can stretch and relax in comfort and ease as we sup our G&Ts. Yes, even in Economy!
8: We’re a ‘cheap date’ and require less alcohol to get tipsy…
Not that I am encouraging risque behaviour BUT you must concede I have a point. And if we’re not exactly on a date of sorts, well, our own purse strings are being pulled less and we have more money of our own. Kerching!
9: We fit into hotel baths
Which is even funnier when the person we’re sharing a room with doesn’t. Teehee!
8: If we’re nifty with the needle and thread, making our own clothes is super quick!
Which stands to reason; there’s less arm, leg, back and stomach to stitch together. Unfortunately this doesn’t apply to me as I am allergic to sewing. Still, it does mean that my clothes cost less (refer back to Point 1), and that’s good enough.
11: We can avoid the game of footsie under the table with the hideously perverted sales rep
Probably the most important point. EVER.
12: We fit into cardboard boxes and children’s play houses
Not only is this is super handy when we take into account point 4 above, but it’s also one of the quickest ways to appease our children.
13: We are excused from D.I.Y, feather duster cleaning and decoration-putting-upping
Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha!
So what else? Can you add to my list? No doubt I have missed a million reasons or more…
Stand tall and let me know my shortcomings!