By Lady Lolita, 20th March 2015

Don’t Sweat it, Sisters!

Eva Mendez is Right - Sweatpants ARE a Good Reason to be Dumped

Eva Mendez is Right – Sweatpants ARE a Good Reason to be Dumped

Oh dear, the perpetually offended have been out in force again this week and this time it’s poor Eva Mendez who’s been lampooned for upsetting women. Not all women, of course, just sweatpant wearers (that’s jogging bottoms to you and me). So what did the Latino beauty say? Cover your ears if you can’t take extreme views…

‘Sweatpants are the number one cause for divorce.’

Gasp!

tracksuit woman

Now I know very little about the American legal system, but I’m guessing that actually sweatpants are rarely cited along with adultery and abuse as causes for divorce. I’m guessing it was a joke. You know, a joke…that thing people are finding harder and harder to take lately?

And who has been getting upset about the beautiful Eva avoiding sweatpant-wearing around her Hollywood hunk of a husband, Ryan Gosling? Who is getting their baggy grey knickers in a twist? The flabby, lazy, jogging bottom wearers, that’s who. Women who don’t actually jog in their jogging bottoms but dress for comfort, ie women that aren’t anything like Eva. And boy are they angry!

‘We don’t have a personal trainer like you, Eva,’ they are crying. ‘You can’t say our men will leave us because we wear scruffy clothing, haven’t seen mascara since our first child was born and use wet wipes instead of a shower. How dare you? You are beautiful and luckier than us, your handsome man looks at you with puppy dog eyes, you co-ordinate your skimpy underwear with your eye shadow and are always smiling. And you are over forty too…and we are in our twenties and have already given up on ourselves. How dare you comment on our fashion choices? Now we have to look in the mirror and admit we are unfit lazy slobs who take for granted that our men will fancy us whatever we look like.’

Support us by visiting our advertisers

Well from one Latina señorita to another – good for you, Eva!

When did it suddenly get funny and fashionable to be a dirty mare? I too am hurtling toward forty far too fast, I have kids that don’t sleep, a mess of a house and a busy job. I could save all of 23 minutes of my day if I didn’t shower, put on make-up and brush my hair. But do I let it slide?

Like fuck I do!!!

Keeping fit

There is only one reason why a woman should pick up her kids from school in elasticated trousers and no make-up…and that’s if she has just been to the gym. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being a curvy lady (I’m no Kate Moss, I could fit one of her down each trouser leg) and no one expects us to look like Hollywood stars – least of all our hubbies – but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take pride in our appearance. Yeah slob around at home being comfy occasionally, but why would you want to look a mess in public?

Is this anti-feminist? No. It’s anti-ugly.

It’s also a fact that attractive women do better in life; they find it easier to make friends, get jobs and land good men. But beauty isn’t on the outside. By ‘attractive’ I mean that confidence and spark on the inside; the woman who dresses for her body shape, who looks after her skin, who still acts like she’s trying to impress her other half – it’s her that has a certain je ne sais quoi about her. She turns heads. Whereas the slob in tracky bottoms disappears, and who wants to be invisible?

It’s not easy to maintain a great appearance 24/7, I get that. I don’t walk about the house in sexy negligee, unless the gardener is due (that’s another joke, by the way, for those of you that are struggling with the concept) but I do try and maintain some standards most of the time. I want to be the woman that my man looks at when he gets in from work and thinks, ‘phwoar, I can’t wait to shag her tonight.’  Instead of glancing over at me scoffing biscuits in the same baggy trousers I have worn all week and think, ‘I guess I’ll sneak off to the loo later for a quick wank over Eva Mendez again.’

If a man leaves you for another woman because you look a mess, then yes he is an arsehole. But you are also partly to blame, because you gave up on him and on your relationship. Because it was no longer important to you that he looked at you in that way, and you expected him to suddenly be happy living with a woman that now looks nothing like the one he first met.

And guess what? It works both ways.

couch potato
Freepik

I don’t want to have sex with a lazy, flabby guy wearing fraying boxers who looks nothing like the sexy guy I met all those years ago. If he doesn’t care about looking after his body and his appearance it’s an indication of how little he cares about me, us and our sex life. Where’s the future in that? Yeah, we all change, we grow older and looser and it takes more effort. But damn it, it’s worth it.

And we don’t have it harder than Eva – in fact we have it easier.
That (not so) poor woman has the world’s press scrutinizing what she wears and how she looks. She has a famous, hot guy as her life partner who has girls throwing themselves at him on a daily basis. And she also gets attacked for cracking the odd joke.

So to you easily-offended sweat pant wearers – get your jogging bottoms out and go jogging. Then after that take a shower and put on nice knickers, a bit of lippy and a decent outfit. Then when your man comes home from work JUMP on him; just throw your gorgeousness at him like you did all those years ago.

He’ll be so excited that he got his hot wife back that he’ll forget all about handing you those divorce papers.

What did you think?

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.

Recent Articles
The Nursery
The Bathroom
The Living Room
More from The Cocktail Bar
The Cocktail Bar
The Cocktail Bar
The Cocktail Bar