The only way you’ll get me in front of UEFA Euro 2016
Did you know that the European Cup has just started? Do you even care?
Go on, ask me if I like football. Well the honest answer is… hmmmm, kinda.
Football (or Soccer as the Americans like to call it) has been part of my life, one way or another, for over twenty years. At sixteen I had a season ticket to Stamford Bridge to watch Chelsea because my boyfriend at the time was a big fan and that’s what stupid teenage girls do (ie whatever their boyfriends like to do).
So many a winter’s day I sat on those cold concrete benches with a numb bum and no clue what was going on wishing those 90 minutes didn’t last twenty hours.
I’d get laughed at too because I’d say things like:
“They are losing, so can we go home at half time?”
“Why isn’t there any commentary like on TV, how am I meant to know what is going on?”
“Wait up, they are running in the wrong direction – in the first half they were shooting the other way.”
Then I went on to marry an ex-footballer. No, not a Premiership hottie but a guy who played as a kid for the under 18’s team of a well known club (he was football captain of his county and traveled Europe scoring goals, but we don’t like to brag). So he’s pretty footy mad too.
Well you won’t catch me standing in a wet muddy field cheering on my man or cleaning dirty boots any more, but I will watch a bit on TV if it’s on. In the warm comfort of my own home. And especially when European teams are playing. Why? Quite simply because my screen is full of Hottie-McHottie-Hotness.
Men apparently hate the way footballers have gone from being revered athletes to primped and spoiled prima donnas… but I say ‘bring on the sexy, tattooed, coiffed, designer stubble, pretty boys with sexy bods who get paid squillions to kick a bag of air around. There’s nothing like a bit of muscly eye candy’.
So to convince you to join me during UEFA Euro 2016 this summer, here are my Top Fourteen Fit Footballers to dribble over:
(Disclaimer: I have no idea if any of these gorgeous men actually made it into the Euro 16 squads but seriously, who cares? They are still hot footballers from Europe… so it’s relevant enough, right?).
14. Sergio Ramos – Spain
Ah Spain, the country with the highest number of hot players in one football team. I’ve had to cut a few of the Spaniards off my list as I could have included the whole lot… but you have to love a bit of Sergio, the Real Madrid captain. Look at those lips!
13. Glen Johnson – England
Baby Faced Johnson may look like a cute angel but he’s a devil on the pitch. And as for those tattooed arms… whoa, I went dizzy there for a bit.
12. Eduardo – Croatia
The man that’s so cool yet so hot that one name will do. Eduardo Da Silva is Brazilian born (the birth land of all hotness), once played for Arsenal and is now running around a pitch somewhere in the Ukraine.
11. Cesc Fábregas – Spain
Central midfielder for Chelsea and one of Spain’s sexiest team members. Dark hair, dark eyes, dark stubble and my dark, dark filthy thoughts.
10. Andrea Barzagli – Italy
One of Italy’s best defenders and star of Juventus, Andrea is one thoroughbred Italian dreamboat we all want a pizza the action with (sorry, I do love a pun).
9. Panagiotis Kone – Greece
Currently an attacking midfielder for Fiorentina (wow, how manly yet romantic is that sentence?) Panagiotis’ name may be a bit of a mouthful but… okay, I was just about to get real smutty there.
8. Emre Can – Germany
We definitely wouldn’t say ‘nein’ to our German number nine! Central midfielder for Liverpool and all round dark and mysterious football star.
7. Olivier Giroud – France
Arsenal footballer and French stud, Olivier is not only known for his talents on the pitch but also his hot bod, tattoos and that hair. Nuff said.
6. Aaron Ramsey – Wales
Midfielder for Wales and Arsenal (blimey Arsenal gets a lot of hotties). Don’t let that young innocent face fool you, this boy is all man on the pitch. Plus it’s nice to see a blondie in the line up.
5. Andrea Pirlo – Italy
Sleek and sophisticated as only an Italian can be, with a mane of hair you want to run your fingers through, this is one man that looks just as good in a tailored suit as he does with his top off. He also plays for a New York football team, so that will come handy with shopping trips.
4. Mats Hummels – Germany
Central defender for Germany, he can defend me any time. With that sultry brooding stare and chiseled features, this is one guy whose boots we wouldn’t mind cleaning.
3. Orestis Karnezis – Greece
There are Greek gods, and then there’s Orestis. Yet again another goalkeeper (well they do say you need one at each end), I’ll be holding my breath for penalties with this guy.
2. Cristiano Ronaldo – Portugal
An amazing player, a bod to die for, admired philanthropic nature and just look at that face. Just look at it! Who cares about the rumours of him shooting for the other side, or that he’s probably one spoiled entitled brat in real life, that is one face you could stare at forever…
1. Iker Casillas – Spain
And in at Number One, my very very favourite Spaniard – because I’m totally biased – the totally swoonworthy Casillas. Captain of Spain, goalie and general hot hot HOT guy. He has it all and some. All bow to the sexiest ball catcher in the world.
Have you had your fill yet? Nope?
Okay, let’s go back in time and pay tribute to all our footballing greats of face and body (and talent, yeah, I guess they have that too). Drum roll please, here is my roll call of footballing hotness past.
And of course the one and only Beckham… the original hottie of all football hotness who paved the way for all current beauty in the beautiful game.
All that’s left to say now is boys, go get your coats – you’ve scored!