By Lady Lolita, 22nd May 2015

Feminism is a Fat Issue

The F Word is Outdated. Surely we are ALL Feminists by Now?

The F Word is Outdated. Surely we are ALL Feminists by Now?

I am a Feminist. Nope, wait up, am I?
Yes I am, because I’m a woman and I like women. But not in a lesbian way, not that there is anything wrong with that, I love lesbians too…just choose not to love them in that way. Because I like men, so then I can’t be a Feminist because Feminists hate men, right? No, I like women and I like men equally – so I am a Feminist. Which is why I wear low tops and short skirts and make up – because I have the right to wear what I want and be free to express myself, because I am a Feminist. Oh no, shit, or is my provocative dress sense reflecting societies paradigm of female subjugation for the sexual gratification of the male species and their lust for control over women, when in fact I should be fighting for my freedom against the tyranny of millennia-old sexual oppression by covering up my womanly curves, chopping off my hair and wearing no make-up? Bugger, no, because then I will just look like a downtrodden woman with no freedom or style. Oh God! No, sorry, not Him as he is the ultimate male dominant. I mean Mother Nature…help!

I’m confused.

Of course I’m confused, because feminism is a fat issue. A big fat scary word that is bandied about by every woman, man and dog with a voice who wants to appear empathetic, radical and cool. Every celebrity is jumping on the sisterly bandwagon and standing up for women’s rights (even if those in their own country have all the right rights already); every man is now calling himself a Feminist (which is weird, maybe it increases his chances of getting laid, I don’t get it) and every woman who achieves something despite of/because of her gender is given a big fat Feminist pat on the back.


Men and women are NOT the same. There, I said it…we are vastly different. Stop fighting it and start using it to your advantage.

Yes, I am a woman and I EXPECT to be treated with the same respect as any man on this planet.
I EXPECT to work as hard as any man, for the same pay (why do we earn 26% less than men so for the same role? Do we simply need to stop feeling embarrassed about money and just bloody ask for more?).
I EXPECT to be listened to, given the same rights to vote and own property, dress as I see fit and say what the fuck I want without having to know my place.

But for crying out loud, men and women are not the same.

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Women in the Western world are so much luckier than their sisters in other nations, and for the millions of oppressed women still left in this world I will fight, because any woman (and of course any man with half a brain and an inkling of morality) knows that treating anyone badly because of their sex (and colour, sexual orientation and background) is just downright wrong. But please, don’t tell me I am a Feminist because I am a person who has achieved a lot AND happens to be a woman.


You are insulting me. My gender and femininity is not a disability.

‘But we haven’t made enough progress,’ I hear you cry. ‘Women and their bodies are still being exploited in advertising, the media and the music industry!’

Well I am a woman and I will tell you two facts:

Fact 1.
In the Western world it is women who are making being a woman difficult. Not men.
Has a man ever implied that I’m ugly and said he doesn’t like what I am wearing? No. But women have. Men, if you want to give me a smile and a wink and tell me I look beautiful then go right ahead. That includes the verbally castrated builder. Maybe we should all tell each other we look nice?
Did men judge me because I stayed home to look after my kids when they were babies and no longer worked? No. But women did. Men thought what I did was hard work and understood how my sacrifice (albeit begrudgingly) enabled my husband to provide for our family better, whereas women thought I had given up. I, on the other hand, thought I would faint from exhaustion from being a woman with ambition but not enough time nor energy to also be a great mum. I struggled, but eventually found my happy medium.
Do men tell me what I need to do, what I have to think and how I should dress? No. But the articles in the magazines I buy and the blogs I read do, and they are written by other women.

Fact 2.
Women use their bodies to control men on a daily basis. And men are stupid enough to fall for it.
So who is using who here?
Has a man ever flirted with you at a bar to get free drinks off you all night? Didn’t think so.
Has a man caught your attention by the way he is standing, by what he is wearing and how much flesh he is exposing? Not likely.
Does the way a man looks, dresses and speaks allow him to get his own way in the office? As if.

So tell me, where is the equality in that?

Let’s stop ignoring the fact that women have as much control over men as men have over us, and they use both their brains and bodies willingly to do so. And as for your music industry exploitation argument, I think we are forgetting that there are as just as many successful female singers (Adele, Celine Dion, Dido, Amy Winehouse) that have done pretty well for themselves without having to get their tits out or prance about on stage in sparkly hot pants. Plus there are many other women with a great voice who have dressed like whores, and also made a success of their careers. And seriously, who gives a shit? The bottom line is: Are they happy to be portrayed that way? If the answer is yes, then that’s fine…we women don’t need defending or vilifying by (you guessed it) other women.

Unfortunately it’s a natural fact of life that Man will remain the most feared animal on this planet, because men have two things we will never have – a cock (which can be used as a weapon) and more physical strength. And we will always have something they will never have, the ability to carry a child; the power to grow a human being who will one day become more important than we are and change the course of our lives. Not men’s lives, our lives, because that child is inside us for nearly ten months and will depend on us forever. And it is those two major differences that set us apart. Men will always be the aggressors; they have more testosterone and the physical ability to dominate people and situations. And women will always be the mother who has to compromise and think of others – because if a woman wants a family AND her own life then she is the only one that can carry that child and give birth to it, which means (as much as we fight it) everything will change. Our differences basically boil down to willies and wombs.

And I hate it.

I’m not saying it’s easy, because I hate the injustice of it and I hate that every day my smaller size, lesser strength and my ambitions are somewhat hampered by my gender and the fact that I am a mother. But then I also love it. Because luckily women are beginning to gain the best of both worlds, we at least now have the choice to choose…but sadly the scales are tipping away from a happy balance. Men are still having to stay men.

Men aren’t allowed to ask for protection, they can’t beg for help or admit their fears. Society expects men to put their ability to provide financially before their love for their children. If they care about what they look like they are called effeminate or gay. If they cry they are called weak. If they don’t remark on the effort we have made for them then they are called insensitive, if they do they are called sexist.


For fuck’s sake, let men and women just be!

Let’s celebrate our differences, all chip in and let everyone do what they want. And for the love of God(esses) please hold the door open for me and offer to carry anything I am struggling with. It’s not sexist – it’s just good manners. Yes, I AM a strong woman, but it’s still nice to be treated like a lady.

If the definition of Feminism is ‘the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes’ then I guess I am a Feminist, in fact most of the world probably is by now. But I’m not going to call myself by that outdated F word, I’m simply going to call myself an Equal. I am equal to him, her and you. I am my own person that chooses her own path in life…and I will celebrate that because not enough women in this world have that choice, therefore all of us liberated men and women should be right there beside those in need.

Feminism as a political movement in the West is slowly coming to an end (which should be a good thing, it means we won, right?), whereas Equality is a cause that will last for eternity. Men and women will always be different, but men and women should always remain equal (even if some are still unfortunately more equal than others).

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