The 5 Groups of ‘Fans’ you will meet on Centre Court…
Here we go again. The tennis season is upon us before we can dust off our rusty rackets, brush up on our backhand and unscrew the cap on the Pimms we bought 3 years ago… Two weeks of contrast between frantic canopy pulling by the ball boys and girls as the rain lashes down – preferably not with the Cliff Richard acoustics, or blazing hot sun coaxing Bradley Coopers, James Cordons and Pippa Middletons out of their chauffeur driven Bentleys to strike an opportune pose for the BBC’s cameras.
But Wimbledon Wannabees come in various guises. Here are the 5 you’re mostly likely to meet if you’re lucky enough to secure those much coveted Centre Court tickets. And surprise, surprise; they are also the same 5 you’re most likely to see on your box at home!
The Strike-a-Posers
Yep, this group could even teach the Madonna of Vogue a thing or two when it comes to a game face for the world’s media. Gwen Stefani, Victoria Beckham, Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt; they are experts at casually slipping in to watch a game in a dance that is more choreographed than the ballet. Because frankly, amidst the thousands of ant-like people who make up a crowd, why should the camera be more likely to zoom in on the demure Mrs Beckham 50 times during the match (who for argument’s sake might just happen to have a new fashion range out this week) than the guy with the bald head who doesn’t realise he’s just stained his white T-shirt with strawberry juice? The Strike-a-Posers are so staged. Their publicists have been hatching the minor details of this afternoon out for months. Their outfits have been analysed for weeks and they will ‘just happen’ to have coincided this visit with the premiere of their current film, CD or networking opportunity with fellow Strike-a-Posers, Elton John and Ricky Gervais…
The Regular Royals
William and Catherine will be joined by the quintessential Duke and Duchess of Kent. But not by HRH The Queen. Oh no, apparently Her Majesty isn’t too partial to a game of tennis – so much so that she attended in 1977 and thought she’d give it a rest… for 33 years – her last visit not exactly inspiring her to return any time soon. Hmm… makes me wonder if that had anything to do with Cliff belting out another ditty in a downpour. But good on you Ma’am for shunning convention and tradition. If the horses are more your thing then we wholly encourage that. A true Glass House Girl you are!
The Tennis Military
Get ready to defend yourself with your punnet of strawberries ‘cos these guys will scoff at the rest of you. They know the exact date order in which Pete Sampras has won the Men’s Final. They can already predict how many kilometres per hour Serena Williams’ serve has set off at. They have studied the difference is physique between Andy Murray and Roger Federer’s form this year with the kind of detail the Queen would apply to her favourite horses prior to Ascot. If you are sat next to them they will expect you to know all of this too. And if you don’t, they will revel in informing you of their knowledge. Best take your book.
The Wives and Girlfriends, Husbands and Boyfriends
I refuse to call the other halves of the male tennis players WAGS. How derogatory is that! And why do the husbands and boyfriends not get an abbreviation? I like to see what this tennis group is wearing. I love to watch their faces light up as they sit on the edge of their seats to see what their woman or man will do with that Advantage. These people are relevant. They have a right to be there. I used to be one of them… okay, admittedly at hockey matches (my man played National League and for England as a school boy!) And contrary to popular belief, they are not either bored or sat there counting up the winnings and deciding where to buy their new wardrobes. They are supportive rocks. Without the Wives and Girlfriends, Husbands and Boyfriends… and of course the Judy Murrays, there would be no tennis star out there on Centre Court looking to win or defend a title.
The Once in a Lifetimers
These guys are super duper excited! Selfie sticks are out en-masse because they’ve camped for two nights in a row – and in a very long row – just to get their tickets. And now they are here! And they want the world to know it. They also want the world to know that they have parents, siblings and friends. So they will write daft messages to them on pieces of cardboard and hold them up any time they catch the panning of the cameraman up in the far right hand corner. You’ve got to love The Once in a Lifetimers. For they savour every detail. They appreciate the grandness of occasion. They get all eager and excited about their own plans to conquer the tennis world. And as soon as they get home they’ll be off to the sports shop to kit themselves out as John McEnroe… down to the matching sweatbands. The only downside to The Once in a Lifetimers is they WILL join in with Sir Cliff…
Game, set and match. I’m done. There’s just one thing left to say: ‘Come on Murray!!!!!’
