Girls will be Girls – The Power of the Princess
I am a mum of two girls and as soon as the first was born I vowed she would be a well rounded, completely un-girly girl. As a proud feminist-thinking mother I bought clothes in bright reds and yellows to counteract the deluge of pink babygros we were bound to receive. I encouraged playing with toy cars and planes. The nursery was animal (not fairy) themed, with unisex colours and not a frill in sight. And as soon as she could walk I urged her to run around in her dirty trousers, build dens and climb trees.
And then she grew up and I realized it was all a load of bullshit… because, whether or not it went against my equalitarian ideals, little girls will be little girls. So this is for all my friends of young boys who think I’m doing it on purpose, and to those childless experts who presume I am some prom-queen stage mom who uses her kids as walking, talking Barbie dolls.
Fools! You know nothing.
If you are expecting your first baby girl and are convinced that she won’t turn into the ubiquitous sparkly princess – think again.
Here are ten things you can expect from your little girl (whether you like it or not):
1. She WILL love pink.
Pink is a pretty crap colour when you think about it. It matches very few other colours (Red? No. Green? Uh uh. Orange? Please!), it comes in far too many shades and it’s the colour of putrid things like strawberry bubble gum and bad singers. But, no matter how much you fight it, girls worldwide are pulled toward pink. Why? Well if you study Colour Therapy (yes, it’s a thing) you will learn that the vibrational qualities of the colour resonate deep within our feminine centre and are linked to motherhood and sensitivity. Or it’s the colour of Barbies, which is easier to understand.
2. How her hair is styled matters.
It’s a big deal. Every. Fucking. Morning. But will they let me wash it regularly… no chance in hell! It doesn’t matter to them that their hair is matted with last night’s dinner, smells of grime and is shiny with grease – it has a french pleat with a pink sparkly bow in it, so it’s all good.
3. Disney Rules. OK?
I’ve said it before, and I will say it again, Disney is only ever acceptable if you are a child. So I will (in the words of Elsa) Let It Go if the kids prefer Disney to, well, everything else in the world. Yes, I’ve tried to get them to watch animal documentaries and YouTube clips of fascinating places around the world, but frankly they prefer The Lion King. I’ve tried to teach them about Girl Power and independence but Cinderella, Rapunzel and Ariel have beaten me to it. Mind you, by copying their idols they are now happy to clean the house, plait their own hair and learn to swim. So cheers for that, Princesses.
4. She wants to wear make up. Even if you don’t.
I don’t get it, I really don’t. My make up application of a morning is minimal. I have one lip gloss (a freebie from a magazine) and never paint my nails. But my kids are OBSESSED with lipstick and nail varnish. I’ve had to deal with 7 am tantrums about it. I’ve had to explain to my husband why, on the way to a kid’s party I have ‘whored them up’ with a touch of rouge. Not to mention the countless kids make up and perfume kits I’ve had to hide after every damn birthday and Christmas. Who buys a pre-schooler perfume that smells of chewy sweets? Someone that hates you, that’s who.
5. She only wants to wear dresses.
To everything. Even nightdresses are preferable to PJs. Even if it’s snowing or muddy outside, if we are going somewhere that involves climbing or running about, or even the day we went horse riding (and who wants to rest their knickers on the back of a stinking pony?) they still want to wear a dress. They don’t always get to, but they will fight for it as hard as they can.
6. Everything that sparkles is gold.
And that’s not just clothes. Oh no. Anything that sparkles wins – from glittery cake toppings to pencil cases and birthday cards that shower you with the devil’s dandruff that is glitter. I fucking hate glitter. HATE it! In fact any arts and crafts my girls bring home with glitter on gets shaken out on the lawn before entering the house, placed somewhere until it’s forgotten about, then ‘filed’ in the bin. You think that’s cruel? Okay, I’ll come round your house tomorrow to sprinkle glitter everywhere, shall I? It never goes away you know, you will still be finding that shit stuck to the bottom of your walking stick in forty years time!
7. She will be a little bitch.
Girls are horrible. If you are a man (or especially a Dad) you will be horrified to read this as you won’t believe me. Not even for a second. And that’s because the little ladies have already won you over. But I have been a little girl, and I’m friends with lots of big girls, and I know we all have the ability to cut someone down with one cruel word or evil stare. But on the flip-side, girly frenemies will be the best of friends the next day as if nothing ever happened. Because us ladies are confusing like that!
8. She can’t wait to get married and be a mum.
So many positive role models available to little girls these days, yet it’s still ‘weddings’ they re-enact in the school playground and dollies they play with. My kids are much nicer mums than me, I swear those dolls are better looked after than my girls ever were as babies. It’s amazing to watch, they certainly didn’t get their maternal instincts from me. To think they could be playing at being Fighter Pilots, Backing Dancers or even Dog Trainers… I don’t care… but no, they just can’t wait to walk down the aisle and get up the duff. Weird.
9. She will learn to flirt before she can talk.
Ever noticed how pathetic men are around little baby girls? How they will bend over backwards to run around for the toddling divas and their ridiculous demands? That’s because girls have the power from a young age. My five year old asked me for more water at the beach bar the other day, so I told her she could go and ask the waiter herself. Five minutes later I find her sitting on a bar stool, chatting animatedly with the hottest barman around and showing me the free bowl of olives she had wangled off him. It was a proud moment.
10. She will be daddy’s little baby… forever.
Of course she will. She has mastered the art of being the Pretty Pink Perfect Princess… never underestimate the power of pink!
It’s all so saccharine sweet and painfully cliche that I’m sicking up a tiny bit of vomit into my own mouth as I type this. But the good news is that it’s all a phase, and although they will spend at least five years (if you are lucky) running around looking like a pink lollipop that has been dipped in glitter – inside, they are tough little cookies.
Because how your princess appears on the outside isn’t what matters – it’s how you have brought her up and her inner values. Mine have a bedroom that is womb-like in it’s pinkness and comforts. They have a rail with over 30 dressing up costumes (I know that because I pick each bastard one up every day) and when I put a wash load on I separate the clothes into whites, darks and pinks. But my little darlings aren’t empty headed bimbos with nothing to aspire to in life but days of shopping and nights of lip gloss applying. No fucking way! My eldest wants to be a teacher, actually a headmistress… why stop at just bossing the kids about… and my youngest wants to be a doctor (thank you Doc McStuffins). And when they were playing ‘weddings’ the other day the eldest said to the youngest, ‘but don’t forget we can only get married after we have been to university and traveled the world’… and a little bit of me died with happiness that day.
My girls will run, jump, fight, shout and stick up for each other with the determined fervour and strength of any rough and tumble boy. But they will do so in a frilly tutu, with chipped nail varnish and glitter in their hair. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is real Girl Power!
